Mistress Tootie Belle Rules the World

Happy Birthday Boy

2006-04-23T20:53:00.000-04:00

*original* 'Austin Has a Blog'

Don't worry, there will be more pictures and a recap on Monday, his actual day.

Teething

2006-02-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

*original* Austin Has A Blog*

Teething, originally uploaded by Mistress Tootie Belle.

Nettie 2.0

2006-01-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

Yep, I'm moving all out! You should be getting an email from me when the new site is ready with the link. Which will hopefully be soon- if not, be patient! That's why I went around leaving comments to a few of you to email me. If not, shoot me one: nettiebelle-at-gmail.com. I won't be posting the addy here, most likely, so [please watch out for that. See you on the flip side!

An Actual Tag

2006-01-13T23:43:00.000-05:00

Astonishing, isn't it? Thanks, Blair!

Four Jobs I've Had: 1. My first job was hostess at a pizza place. It was okay until the new manager decided she didn't like Christians, more specifically me. I was young and evangelistic and am not bothered by the fact that she didn't.
2. Stellar Bath and Body Works associate, of course! Been there over a year and still enjoy it.
3. If you don't know this one, I'm not going to tell you. It was last summer and I lasted two weeks and I am not cut out for food service.
4. Babysitting, I guess? I have a semi-regular gig with an Australian family.

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over Again: 1. The Sound of Music. At midnight alone in my room....
2. Aladdin. That used to be the only thing that could put me to sleep.
3. Shrek and Shrek 2, which I actually like better.
4. Hocus Pocus. Hey, I like the witches.

Four Places I've Lived: 1. This is the only state I've ever lived in.
2. I wouldn't mind Virginia, though, as I have a lot of family there.
3. Or someplace on the beach.
4. Maybe California, where the moonbats reign.

Four T.V. Shows I Watch: 1. Law and Order: SVU. Love it, baby, especially Mariska Hargitay.
2. Reruns of the Golden Girls. Give me about 20 seconds of an episode and I can tell you which one it is.
3. Whose Line Is It Anyway? It's funny and often makes no sense. Kinda like me.
4. Commander in Chief. Not ashamed to admit it.

Four Places I've Been on Vacation: 1. Austria. I loved that place. The songs come to life!
2. The food in Italy is everything you've heard about, but man did I get sick of churches. And monasteries. With hot monks...
3. San Francisco. Nobody told me it was cold there in the summer.
4. Washington, D.C. Requisite for any educated Southerner. Okay so I made that part up.

Four Websites I Visit Daily: 1. My own, of course.
2. MeeVee- personalized TV listings.
3. Gmail- probably check this the most frequently.
4. And Yahoo, for more email, groups, weather, random articles.

Four Favorite Foods: 1. Nestle Triple Chocolate Supreme Drumsticks.
2. Pasta- plain with butter which is about as ambitious as I make. But Italian anything, really.
3. Berry Blue Jell-O. Another childhood favorite.
4. Granny Smith apples and cheese. The simple things.

Four Places I'd Like to Be Right Now: 1. With a person who understands me better than anybody else in the world.
2. At a Beatles concert. "We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine...."
3. Out killing some frogs. Some really, really loud frogs.
4. With Austin. Always.

Four Bloggers I'm Tagging: I think I'll save those for when I really need them.

May I Just Say...

2006-01-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

That I love this state? Or in particular, its weather. It was 70 degrees today. 70. That's 21 Celcius for those of you in a metric Great Frozen Wasteland. Hee hee. So, who wants to join me in my subtropical paradise?

Many, Many Odd Habits

2006-01-10T19:50:00.000-05:00

As we all know, I love memes. Because sometimes I'm lazy and it's easier than actually thinking up something clever. I mean, uhhhh, cause they're fun.

1. I watch TV with the subtitles on. I don't like to miss a single detail. And the new Sound of Music DVD has the nuns' singing in Latin captioned...I don't know why this fascinates me.

2. I also have a tendency to memorize stuff I hear. I just pick it up, mostly songs. Or the entire second scene of the Lion King, with Scar and the mouse (Life's not fair, is it? You see I, well, I, shall never be king. And you shall never see the light of another day....)

3. I had this really good odd habit thing in mind and when I remember it I'll put it here.

4. I'm actually very particular about how I sleep. I have to have showered if I've been outside (i.e. even if I showered that morning I still have to that night). The door to the hall has to be shut, hall light off. And the bathroom door, also light off. Covers tucked in, so my feet don't hit space. TV on, usually history channel but sometimes a DVD. And yes, a stuffed rabbit.

5. I had a class one time in a room where the air conditioner made a 'errrrrrrrrr' sound. I couldn't hear it, my brain just tuned it out and it didn't bother me. But on the other hand, I got a new watch for Christmas. I really needed one but I don't wear it much because I think it ticks too loud. It just drives me nuts.

Here Ya Go Kids

2006-01-09T01:21:00.000-05:00

Makes me glad I'm only an unofficial part of the S.C. political scene, and so can express my views and preferences here without fear of reprisal. Hee hee. Now, who wants to guess the new one?

Bizarro Dreamo

2006-01-06T22:36:00.000-05:00

We're outside, afraid. Hiding in an incomplete, blanketed treehouse from the Nazis. Pretending to be cartons of apples.Concealing a little girl underneath me so she wouldn't cry. And no, you can't go to the bathroom either, they'd see that.

Planes flying overhead, bombs dropping, buildings falling. I get out from under the apples to investigate when all is quiet. Running through the trees, no one on the ground but a blonde enemy tries to stab agile me. Watch out for the gorillas!

I am captured! But her dark partner won't let her kill me. He leaves and she prowls and I escape. Take my apple prisoners with me to work, where they are cleverly disguised as stock in the backroom. The door opens yet again- but it is the dark man! I grab him. Lisp, "Why, Yister Men!" Don't go in the back room. On the floor, where my little manager stands. The kiss catches him off guard and he exits the same way he came. Whew.

Another store in the mall. Janna wants a bathing suit. I don't, I'm already wearing one. I want Cheetos. Any kind of Cheeto you could want, except pizza. Where're my pizza Cheetos?

Teleported back to BBW alone. And he storms in- my bad professor act did not fool him. He grabs my face, speaks- "Mister Yen. Mister..." Whatever, just don't find the prisoners, the cleverly disguised prisoners. There is chaos on the floor, the chaos of a hundred frenzied shoppers...

Um- too much History Channel, maybe? Something...

I Dream of Simple Things

2006-01-05T18:45:00.000-05:00

"Don't point the Roman candle towards your face, Nettie!"

"No, I dunno where Janna went, she went into the woods after the rocket and didn't come back..."

Attempting to get rid of the why-did-I-buy-these Chocolate Pop-Tarts, but discovering a cherry pair I must've stuffed in there sometime....

It's okay to ask for help. But you know, sometimes I think I'll never learn that lesson.

I managed to fit yet another bumper sticker on the car. Had to really squeeze it on there though...

Friends so good they make you cry.

A favorite pair of jeans, in a size I'd never buy now. But they grew with me, and no other pair can ever fit the same.

Random Wednesday Picture Blog

2006-01-04T00:13:00.000-05:00

Wanna go for a ride?

Announcement

2006-01-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

This computer shall henceforth be rightfully known by the moniker of......Tom.

Thank you, that will be all.

me, from A-Z

2005-12-31T14:41:00.000-05:00

Stolen from my friend Spunkie

[ A is for age:] 20.
[B is for booze of choice] I don't drink. I'm weird enough sober.
[C is for career] Good question...
[D is for your dog's name:] Neal.
[E is for essential items you use everyday:] Computer, car, and now Ipod.
[F is for favourite song at the moment:] Fix You, by Coldplay.
[G is for favourite games:] Um, checkers but I always lose, Twenty Questions cause I don't.
[H is for hometown:] Somewhere in South Carolina.
[I is for instruments you play:] I sing!
[j is for jam or jelly you like] Strawberry.
[K is for kids?:] No, but I want them.
[L is for last kiss?:] My, that's personal.
[M is for most admired trait:] I like being funny.
[N is for name of your crush:] I dunno. I think Munch on SVU is funny, but Stabler's better-looking.
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] Well, not overnight.
[P is for phobias:] Roaches. Ewwwyuck.
[Q is for quotes you like:] "He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" Monty Python's "Dead Parrot" Sketch.
[R is for biggest regret:] Not being more adventurous.
[S is for sweets of your choice:] York Peppermint Patties, Jelly Bellies.
[T is for time you wake up:] Noon, preferably.
[U is for underwear:] Jockey.
[V is for vegetable you love:] Broccoli- raw, with Ranch.
[W is for worst habit:] Biting my nails.
[X is for x-rays you've had:] Please, how depressing a list would that be?
[Y is for yummy food you make:] Brownies from a box. But I did cheesecake swirl!
[Z is for zodiac sign:] Aries.

Humiliation for the Future

2005-12-28T13:37:00.000-05:00

Entitled, "Austin's First Dog Food."

Finding the True Spirit

2005-12-24T16:55:00.000-05:00

Just when I'm getting reeeeeeeeeeally fed up with the customers, I answer one's question. She then goes, "Are you having a good evening?" and I answer with sincerity, "Yes ma'am, and thank you for asking." Cause I do get excited when they ask me instead. But then, "Thank you for your service." All I can be is, "Awwwwwwwwww!"

One of the things I hate about the holidays is that I can rarely eat the treats everyone brings, because I may not be sure how they were prepared or the ingredients aren't listed. But I have one coworker who has several times brought in cookies that she made and told me exactly what was in them so I'd know they were safe. That just means so much, since I hate getting sick too.

The look on the face of my favorite little boy when I played my snowman-snowdog set that barks Jingle Bells for him. He was just entranced. He may not know what this Christmas is, but he knows he's loved.

"Are you seriously wearing a ribbon for a belt?" "I'm getting a new one for Christmas, okay?" All right, so maybe that isn't exactly finding the spirit....

"Look, Lauren. It's Santa." "Santa Claus is in our store?" "Santa is in our midst. Look, Melissa- Santa!"

My good friend who just got engaged. He proposed to her on Christmas Eve morning. I mean, how romantic is that?

Christmas invariably comes with some headaches for me. But there's so much more- the camaraderie, the making others happy, Christmas hugs- you can't help but feel the magic. So even though all I really want are clean clothes and some sleep, I'm almost sorry to see it end. Merry Christmas, y'all.

JoJo Does A Survey

2005-12-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

Borrowed from Alice. Except he deleted the questions he didn't like.

1. First name? JoJo. The Disgruntled Elf.
2. Were you named after anyone? No.
3. Favorite past time? Running through malls with my machine gun.
4. Do you have a close friend? Prancer. He ran off with me and changed his name to Kir.
5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No I do not, Captain Obvious.
7. Would you bungee jump? Doy!
8. What is your favorite cereal? Chocolate Lucky Charms. Cereal of world rulers everywhere.
9. Do you think that you are strong? I could beat you up anyday, loser!
10. Shoe Size? Is that an insult?
11. Red or Pink? Red.
12. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I am perfect.
13. Who do you miss most? I don't miss Santa. Who told you that?
14. Last thing you ate? York Peppermint Patties.
15. What are you listening to right now? Screams of Pain and Torture.
16. Favorite Smells? Chipmunks roasting...
17. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kir.
18. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Ears.
19. Favorite drink? Cocoa.
20. Favorite Sport? Reindeer racing.
21. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary.
22. Last Movie You Watched? Machine Gunning Made Easy.
23. Favorite Day Of The Year? The day after Christmas when all the kiddies cry cause they got coal and not presents.
24. Summer or winter? Winter, stupid.
25. Hugs or Kisses? I hate that mushy stuff.
26. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Duh, a mouse.
27. Favorite Sounds? Screams slightly muffled by the sound of guns firing.
28. Do you have a special talent? I have good aim.

Random Retail Ramblings

2005-12-20T20:52:00.000-05:00

'Less than one week left of the holidays, girls!' 'But then we have sale.' 'Shut up, Nettie!' 'Shut up, Nettie!'

'You need to stop that, Nettie. You're freaking me out.'

'And if you turn the page, you'll see the safety information, how to use boxcutters...' Snort. 'Yeah, don't do like Nettie, she cut towards herself and got stitches. And use the ladder, don't climb on the shelves like you'll see us do.' 'Basically don't do anything we do.' 'Do as we say, not as we do!'

'I shouldn't make fun of you for having to go on the register. It isn't nice.' 'You had to go out there too, didn't you?' 'Yup.' 'That's karma.' 'Like when you cut people off and then the tow truck tries to kill you?' 'Exactly!'

'People are stupid. 'Why don't you have this?' Dude, you're shopping three days before Christmas!'

In the Spirit Now

2005-12-19T14:46:00.000-05:00

After all, what more do I need?

Today I

2005-12-17T15:05:00.000-05:00

Burned I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas on a CD "to play with and enjoy". Yes, I am easily amused.

Said a few choice words when the tow truck decided he was bigger than me, so he could push me around. That's not why God invented turn lanes.

Perhaps I should quit yelling, "You have the right of way, Grandma!" before it comes back to bite me.

Stopped at the pet store's adopt-a-thon and played with a very hairy puppy.

Got gas just before the price went up. Nice timing on the whining, Harvey.

Finished my Christmas shopping. Yes, finished. Opted not to count how many stores I went to since I decided to be creative and not buy everything from work.

Even managed to listen to myself at - "No Nettie, you do NOT need that first season collection of Law and Order: SVU even though it's used and only 25 bucks."

Counted my blessings that I work in a small retail store where they can't humiliate me over the intercom.

Am thankful for my job today, period. I have met some of the freaking best, most caring people there.

Decided not to take happy days for granted. After all, I can create them.

Dear Self,

2005-12-15T14:21:00.001-05:00

Yes, a pharmaceutical concoction of OTC painkillers, several antihistamines, and prescriptions may get rid of your migraine. In fact, you may not be feeling any pain at all despite your coworkers' repeatedly whacking you on the head. But please bear in mind the rather strange state of mind it may put you into. For instance, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" may come out instead as "If at first you don't fricasee, fry, fry a hen." While this probably won't bother the people used to you, this is not a place you want to be when the district manager decides that "I'll be visiting you guys tomorrow, but I thought I'd pop in tonight and see how things were going." Yipes.

Of course, you knew exactly who she was as soon as she walked into your back room, by the way she moved and carried herself. She was in charge. It wasn't the nicest thing to do to Leigh, but at least when you were hiding in the antibac, you weren't saying anything stupid. After all, it wasn't until after she left that the chaos really began. "She comes and makes us all paranoid."

It's a good thing you don't know who piled the bloody wallflowers all over the floor, so you can't carry out your death threats against them. Also a good thing you don't wear a watch anymore. You didn't want to know what time it was when you had to drag the cardboard out there again in the cold rain. But you stick with it, you laugh at the thought of "leaving at 11:30 like we were scheduled." No, you clean that place up, fix the wrath of coworkers and employees alike. Because as little as you all care about anything by the end of the night, and as much as you laugh at Jen when she says it- "It's more than a job, it's a way of life."

SIAD Part Two

2005-12-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

I had a really good day today. Logically, it shouldn't have been, given that we were at work until after one cleaning up after the customers. Early this morning, definitely in "Why on earth am I awake???" mode. But that's okay. Because I let something out to someone that maybe I should've a long time ago. But after I did- well, I realized a few key things. And among them was that it was a great day. A happy day.

This concludes the mushy-gooey-hippie section of today's post. Now on to the answers I know you're all dying to hear.

1. My ears turn red when I get sick. Oddly enough, this is true. I've never heard of it in anyone else, but I think it's rather cool.

2. I sleep with a stuffed bear. Totally false. It's a rabbit. Named Max.

3. I have an imaginary friend named JoJo the Disgruntled Elf. He likes to run around shopping malls with a machine gun. Oh, JoJo is definitely real. He's very, um, therapeutic too.

4. I memorized the Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch. Nope. Not verbatim.

5. There are two light switches in my bathroom- both to the same light. But I have to have the light switch on my side be right- up or down when the light's on or off, respectively. Like Joe said, this one's too weird not to be true.

Since I Always Do

2005-12-11T18:41:00.000-05:00

Another meme- but this one fits well with another concept I'd been thinking of. It's from Janie, and it's supposed to be five things you don't know about me. Except I'm going to make it where some of it is true, some false. And then you can figure out which one is which! Woohoo!

1. My ears turn red when I get sick.

2. I sleep with a stuffed bear.

3. I have an imaginary friend named JoJo the Disgruntled Elf. He likes to run around shopping malls with a machine gun.

4. I memorized the Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch.

5. There are two light switches in my bathroom- both to the same light. But I have to have the light switch on my side be right- up or down when the light's on or off, respectively.

First Fifteen

2005-12-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

Courtesy the Career Guy- Windows Media favorites mix, put on shuffle, first fifteen songs that come up:

1. As I Lay Me Down, Sophie B. Hawkins.
2. Kiss the Rain, Billie Myers.
3. Upendi, from the Lion King II soundtrack.
4. Place in This World, Michael W. Smith
5. Talking Stones, Say-So.
6. That's What Love Is For, Amy Grant.
7. Get a Clue, Simon and Milo.
8. Let's Give Them Something to Talk About, Bonnie Raitt.
9. Letters from War, Mark Schultz.
10. Some of Us, Starsailor.
11. Nobody Home, Avril Lavigne.
12. Cabin Fever. Muppet Treasure Island, all right?
13. Sleigh Ride, Billy Gilman and Charlotte Church.
14. I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow, from the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack.
15. Held, Natalie Grant.

All in all, a pretty good cross section. And I didn't even edit. Much.

Random Thursday Picture Blog

2005-12-08T18:36:00.000-05:00

Anyone want a go at analyzing my handwriting?

To Remember A Man

2005-12-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

An icon of South Carolina Republicanism, former Governor Carroll Campbell, died this morning. My fellow SC blogger Laurin has a good roundup for those of us familiar with his legacy.

Considering the majority of my readership is out of state, however, a bit of explanation. Governor Campbell was before my time, but I grew up hearing of his leadership during Hurricane Hugo. As I grew older, I learned of his efforts to bring profits and jobs to South Carolina- among others, BMW and drug plants. And I can honestly say that no governor since has lived up to his example.

Most recently, I have been working on his son Mike's lieutenant governor campaign. I grew to appreciate Governor Campbell through his children, as Mike is a genuinely nice man, and the most involved politician I have ever worked with. Governor Campbell was struck by early-onset Alzheimer's in 2001, yet all of his family has continued making South Carolina a better place. I will try to update this, at least with links, as I find out more. But for now- remember Carroll Campbell. And if you never knew of him, now's an excellent time to start.

Update, 8:00 P.M. It was confirmed earlier that the Governor succumbed to a heart attack, in his sleep, although unexpected. Also, thanks to Mark for the linkage.

More Two Second News Reactions

2005-12-05T20:01:00.001-05:00

Study Links Bake Sales, Weight Problems: Well, thank you, Captain Obvious!

Tree Decorated with Lotto Tickets Removed: No comment on whether a lottery is good or bad, but if you have one, why should you have a problem with using tickets that way? Seems like you're ashamed of your own institutions.

Professor Loses Weight With Eat-As-You-Feel Diet: Finally, they recognized my genius.

What to Do When Anaphylaxis Strikes: Ooh, I know! I know!

Seniors Seeking Medicare Info Get Sex Line: And you thought the Medicare issue was confusing already.

Man Decks House With Synchronized Lights: I may be a Scrooge, but that's pretty cool.

Stuff of My Life

2005-12-03T17:02:00.000-05:00

Note to self: Do not watch Miami Animal Police. Especially at 1 A.M. It will make you cry,

I've begun using the word bloody for everything. As in, "I'm bloody sick of bloody Christmas." Perhaps too much Monty Python.

"Get in that back room!" "But it's boring back there!"

"Do we have any Winter Candy Apple shower gel?" "I'll double check but I don't think so. Of course that would mean they actually sent us stuff we need, cause we need 10 boxes of Sweet Pea shower gel."

"You cursed me, now I have to come back here to help you." "It's too cold, I'm going back out to the floor until he's finished unloading." Yeah, right, lightweight.

Hash browns. Wonderful, glorious, crunchy, hot, salty hash browns. "Nothing like grease and fat to settle your stomach!"

"Have you seen this?" "What's this? Oh. DBR." "Maybe it's just me, but I like to be able to walk in my aisles- just a little thing I have!"

You've Been in PT Too Long When

2005-12-02T13:20:00.000-05:00

The other therapists know your name and that the pink leopard bag is yours.

They bug you for coupons from your job, too.

There's a certain side of the garage that you just have to park on.

You don't bother wearing makeup there.

"What are you here for?" "Well, first I had surgery on this one, and then I had surgery on that one, and they're trying to avoid more surgery on this one..." "Oh. I'm sorry..."

Ice bowling!

Equating exercises with real life- "Yeah, it'll be good to increase the weight, cause the boy keeps getting bigger!"

They've heard you blather on and on about your nephew. But wait, everybody has.

Gimme the Bad News First

2005-11-30T18:17:00.000-05:00

The Bad: All your appeals have failed.
The Good: Congratulations, you're our 1,00th execution!

The Bad: Apparently procrastinators are making the Saturday before Christmas the busiest shopping day. Oh boy, we'll look forward to that one.
The Good: Um, we made our Black Friday numbers?

The Bad: You were struck by a car while walking in the dark.
The Good: Bet you'll wear reflective clothing from now on!

The Bad: You forgot that November has only 30 days.
The Good: Blogger automatically fixes it to Deccember 1st for time dyslexics like you!

The Bad: You watch far too much TV.
The Good: You can, um, amuse your friends by reciting commercials.

The Bad: Diseny canceled So Weird.
The Good: Smart people captured the episodes before they yanked it, so you can watch Fi again...and again...and again....

Under the Heading Of

2005-11-28T19:10:00.000-05:00

"I'm going to kill my aunt when I get older and see this." But it was just so funny.

I Am Thankful

2005-11-26T21:00:00.000-05:00

...for modern medicine's migraine treatments that stop the heaving. Eventually.

...that FDR didn't succeed in his attempts to move Thanksgiving up a week. Why later is better I don't know, though, it just seems to prolong the agony.

...for Jeff's blogiversary.

...that we have to listen to Harmony sing carols for the rest of the season. No wait, I'm not grateful for that.

...for my ability to entertain myself by singing little ditties (in my head, all right?) Such as: I hate Christmas, and Thanksgiving too, I hate the holidays, how bout you?

...that I have coworkers who can carry on conversations like: Where's the dustpan? If it's not in the bathroom, I dunno. You're a lot of help. It's in dustpan heaven, is that better? It lived a long and useful life and has gone to its reward. It's in dustpan hell. Why does the dustpan deserve to go to hell? Cause it didn't spend enough time in purgatory!

...that most of my customers aren't like Starbucks woman. "Does this [cup placed prominently on the decimated shelf of antibac I am desperately trying to fill] belong to anyone?" Starbucks woman: "Oh, it's mine"- as she continues browsing and yakking. Helpful Coworker over my shoulder: "I'll take that and put in the trash." "No, she says it's hers..."

...and are more like the two sweet ladies today who got so excited when I ran out Sweet Pea wipes to them: "Ooooh, look at this- they're cold!" "Yes ma'am, found them in shipment and I heard y'all wanted them!"

300 Posts

2005-11-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving and all that, to my American readers anyway. But this is my 300th post and I wanted it to be special. So as Darlene likes to do, a republishing of a post special to me. This is probably my favorite of the poems that I wrote for my Kevin. Always...

Where You Are

Cradled in the arms of the Lord
you are.
But I will always remember
your smile
your laughter
your love for life.
And in the end,
you won.
You won forever.

Weird Questions

2005-11-22T20:09:00.000-05:00

Of course, we all know I'm a sucker for memes, but this one doesn't make much connected sense so I especially like it. From the rejuvenated Marc.

Would you rather...

1. be able to talk to dolphins or spiders? Why would I want to talk to spiders? To hear their death pleas just before I smash them?

2. be able to shoot spaghetti noodles from your fingertips or change the color of your skin to various shades of pastel? Going with the spaghetti thing, since I'm always hungry.

3. develop an allergy to your favorite food or your best friend? Well, we all know I can deal with the food allergy thing...

4. walk across the United States of America from Los Angeles to New York or climb Mount Everest? At least the U.S. would be scenic, but none of that walking sounds appealing. Can Harvey come?

2005-11-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

You're Vatican City!

You're pretty sure that you're infallible in all that you do or say, and it's hard to say whether

you're right. You have a lot of followers, most of whom will do whatever you say without

question, or line up to see you ride around in your spiffy car. Religious and reserved, you have

some wisdom, but also a bit much contempt for everyone around you. You're also fabulously

wealthy, no matter what you say to the contrary.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

My Left Hand

2005-11-18T17:07:00.000-05:00

People are voyeurs. Much as they deny it they are. Like I really needed the invation, but y'all did ask to see it. And at work too- "I wanna see it!" "I'm not taking the bandage off, you guys. But I have pictures!"

Also reinforced that I never do anything halfway. That one blade-flashing monment is going to be following me for a long while. Grow, nerves, grow!

24

2005-11-16T13:16:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've done a meme in a while. Hmm. Must be slipping. From Janie, who gets tagged a lot too. And no, this isn't all one day.

12 A.M. I'll probably be up for at least another two hours.

1 A.M. So I consider this still part of a continuous day, which rather messes with my head.

2 A.M. If I'm good I'm in bed by now, usually watching Most Extreme Animals.

3 A.M. The latest we ever stayed to finish a floorset, 3:30 actually. And then we went and entertained ourselves at Denny's.

4 A.M. Or the time I got up to do inventory at five. And tried to figure out how early my manager Harmony must have gotten up in order to look as perfect as always. Freak of nature.

5 A.M. The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh only comes on at 5:30 now.

6 A.M. The time Janna and I were supposed to leave to go to Austin's baptism.

7 A.M. But considering the way she drives...

8 A.M. The earliest I normally have to get up. Urgh. Even SpongeBob gets too annoying then.

9 A.M. The more usual time to drag myself out and be at work at ten.

10 A.M. Shipment! Yay! Boxcutters!

11 A.M. Or I may be at physical therapy now. It's amazing how much fun broken-limbed people and off-the-wall PTs can have.

12 P.M. I just discovered that What Not to Wear comes on now.

1 P.M. This is when I told myself I'd be out the door to get the stitches out today, and look where I still sit.

2 P.M. I'll probably go to the 2:45 showing of Harry Potter Friday- I'm just not in the mood for a midnight one this year.

3 P.M. I really ought to install my new Norton when I get back. Then it'll quit bugging me.

4 P.M. My watch needs a new battery. It says it's 4 now.

5 P.M. After I got off work yesterday I hit the library. Am working through the first season of Monty Python.

6 P.M. "This is an ex-parrot!"

7 P.M. I would never actually eat haggis. It was a joke.

8 P.M. Start of my Tuesday TV, first up is Bones, about a forensic anthropologist.

9 P.M. Commander in Chief. Yes I'm a conservative, but I like it.

10 P.M. The Tuesday highlight, a new SVU. And this week was a good one, cause last week Mariska wasn't on there, the losers.

11 P.M. Nothing to watch at this hour anymore. Although I do like Leno.

2005-11-14T22:36:00.000-05:00

Haggis!

Random Sunday Picture Blog

2005-11-13T16:50:00.000-05:00

On the street signs downtown.

See, this is why you shouldn't be trying to decorate for Christmas already! Ha haaaaa!

Can I Do It One-Handed?

2005-11-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

Type? Well, I tried. I really did. But I think faster than I type anyway, and my thoughts need to be expressed. Logic would say don't type...

Drive? Yes. Badly.

Lift boxes? I admit that I probably shouldn't...and anyway they called Leigh in to be my lackey. Heh heh.

Eat Cheetos? Try doing this left handed when you can't use the thumb much...and then you can't easily wash the hand so the fingers are still orange. Yeah.

Reassemble an engine? No! Wait, I could never do that.

Take pictures? Yeah, although I can't get steady enough for a good close-up.

Play with the boxcutters? Yes, of course. Hey, I hate being on the floor. I like being in the back, no one yells at me when I talk to myself.

Throw balls while balancing? "Did you do the rebounder? Oh, I forgot. Hand." "Yes, hand." "Can't you do it with one hand?" "My aim's bad enough with two!"

Be my irrepressible if slightly clumsy self? Can't you tell?

Think Before You Name

2005-11-09T21:13:00.000-05:00

Well, when I'm doing data entry I need some way to entertain myself.

*Bony Peace, III. I can hear the schoolyard taunts now: "Hey Bony, can we get a piece of you? Ha ha haaa!" And they inflicted this on three generations?

*Clermont Plantation. "Where is this?" "No, who." "The Plantation is a who?"

*Joni Vanderslide. "Och, Joni, I vander slide."

*Steve Credito. Sounds like a magician.

*Trap Place. "Hey, wanna come back to my place? On Trap Place?"

*Tubeville. Never been to Tubeville. Does Joni Vanderslide live there?

Lessons Learned

2005-11-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

If you're squeamish, come back tomorrow and I'll post about stupid names. But come on, you know you want to look. It's not that bad...

I wasn't supposed to take the original stuff off until today, but I had to shower. Believe me, I needed it. And my job of it- well, it looked better last night. Before I went to work and lifted boxes like I probably shouldn't have. And, yes, they let me use the boxcutters again. But not that nice sharp one, as- "Did you want to get rid of this?" "No. Why, does it have your blood on it?" "Yep." "Oh. Well then yeah, chunk it."

For perspective on where it is in case you don't care for the next one. Creative ideas for good excuses/lies/I'm tired of the boxcutter fight story? Although I don't care for the "I missed my wrist" one, thanks anyway, Kiernan.

Please make sure to comment after you're done going "Ewwwww." But trust me, it looked much worse. And despite the general opinion of "I couldn't watch them put string in my own hand." Why not? How many chances am I gonna get?

Welcome to Our Store

2005-11-07T14:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you keeping track...oh forget it. The numbers are too depressing. After all, I've been working at BBW for a year but apparently still lack the coordination to work a box cutter. And I'm pretty sure that our new manager Nicole's idea of a good orientation does not involve sitting with me in the walk-in clinic while they stitch me up. But then, it wasn't my idea of a fun time, either.

All right, so watchingthe dude clean and stitch it was kind of fun. And it's not like blood freaks me out or anything (does for Jen though, poor thing). But that moment when I was opening a box and hit my left hand and went, oh well, I do this all the time. Until the next instant when it starts pouring out of me and I'm running to the bathroom, wrapping toilet paper around it (not the best choice, sterilely speaking). Granted, nothing I could've done would have worked. But I'm still trying to be all macho, cause when Jen knocks on the bathroom door and goes, "Paige is taking you to the doctor," I'm still all, "I don't wanna go."

Common sense did win out, though- "As long as it isn't the E.R." So off we three went. Specifically, it's four stitches on the back of my hand just below the thumb. I'll be kind and spare you the gory details even though they fascinate me. Fascination's wearing off, though, along with the adrenaline and lidocaine. And I'm left with the "I can't believe I did this" feeling and the moral that box cutters are not your friend.

Selfish Googling

2005-11-06T18:36:00.000-05:00

Nettie Winey Bear: Hey, I'm not a whiney bear. I don't whine! Whyyyyyy do you call me whiney? Waaaaaaa!

Nettie.fi: I'm Finnish- hing a bing a blurben!

Find the Lowest Price on Nettie: Well, geez. Aopparently I'm not worth much.

Nettie's Ark: Does this mean I get a puppy?

I Love My Bird Nettie: Dude, get a life.

Assemblywoman Nettie Mayersohn: Freaking Democrat from Queens.

Nettie Lake: Now this is cool. Much better than that bear.

Nettie's Place in the Bahamas: Sign me up, sign me up!

Random Friday Picture Blog

2005-11-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

Found when Janna and I were driving around Georgia trying to find the interstate home, since we didn't have our handy-dandy Mapquest reverse directions.

Candeeeee

2005-11-02T16:58:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't have been my first choice to go to Wal-Mart on Halloween. But Harmony tells me to go buy candy "for the kids" and Bath and Body Works is paying, who am I to argue? Especially when I can pick out the good stuff. Somehow by ten today, all the chocolate had disappeared. Wonder what kids ate all that?

Poor Cameron, though. He doesn't care much about costumes but if Karen let him he'd devour all the candy he got. "Take all the peanut M&Ms you want, I'll have more next week." Well, since I'm talented enough to eat them and do my exercises at the same time.

Maybe it's a reward. After all, since I had to drive Janna around yesterday, wasn't I entitled to their leftover candy? I was only going to take a few pieces. Really. But she handed me a Wal-Mart bag and told me to go trick-or-treating. Hey, an order's an order.

Peppermint patties, and Reese's, and Tootsie Roll Pops, and pieces of Juicy Fruit so big they make your jaw hurt. Airheads that are actually sour, Baby Ruths, Now and Laters, Teddy Grahams, Laffy Taffy, orange Oreos, Snickers, Sweet Tarts, Whoppers.....no wonder I'm in such a good mood.

I'll Never Remember All This

2005-11-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

*original* Austin Has A Blog*

I'm not sure what you'd call this look.

With my two-year old cousin Paige who loves to give me kisses. Smart girl.

Mmmm, juice. All intelligent thought is gone...

Let's Hear It For the Boy

2005-11-01T19:29:00.000-05:00

He was soooo good, he didn't cry! (And neither did I, for the record). He was actually asleep at the church, but they had to wake him up for the baptism. Granted, he put his hands all over the assistant pastor's face while she was praying. And took his socks off. But he likes his feet to be free!

I didn't get any pics at the church, out of respect, but lots at the house. He was great there too- "Austin! Look at the camera! Austin!" Or, "Paige! Smile and you get a fruit snack!" Paige being his two year old cousin, who is adorable (see?) even though I'm not related. We had a great time baaaa-ing like sheep at each other until they told me to stop. Just when I thought I'd found someone who understood me.

I swear I didn't wake him up again so I could play with him. He was already fussing...

You should be able to see in this picture how he likes to cross his big toes on top of his other toes. What I love is that I do that too.

Look I'm Psychic!

2005-10-30T06:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, dear ones, I shall now predict at the hour of twelve-thirty (if you've changed your clocks) what I will be thinking and feeling six hours from now! It's a post into the future! Watch in awe.

I am doing this for the boy. The boy who is only six months old and is not going to remember, much less care, who came to his baptism. But we are loving and doting aunts so we go for him. And because the family would kill us if we didn't.

It's only six in the morning. I should be in bed sleeping. Or at least pretending. And it's cold. I must be getting old because I can't stand the cold. Or perhaps when you make me get out of my bed at this hour I just get a little cranky.

And whose brilliant idea was it for us to leave today instead of yesterday? Something about how Janna and I had to work. Like driving for four hours isn't work. She better drive. I'm already asleep.

Hope everyone remembered to change their clocks. It always messes with my head and I will probably be flooring it down 85 an hour off. Happy Halloween and all that too. I myself will be going as a Bath and Body Works employee.

I love this child. I sped through the highways of Georgia once already to meet him. But I never figured when he was born ten days after my birthday that I would again at thirty degrees and six thirty in the morning. But I must take pictures. Witness this glorious event in his young life. He will probably cry. As I'm sitting there wondering if I should too.

Marc Came Home

2005-10-28T15:21:00.000-04:00

One of the stories you hardly ever hear, the one with a happy ending. The story of a family, ordinary, but whose members have touched so many lives. Mine, and now yours, too.

Marc and Karen and Cameron. He works on a base, but is an officer in the National Guard. The not entirely unexpected happened a year ago and he was sent to Iraq, to fight for his country. A year of being away from his wife, his son, his home. But communication is constant, emails, calls, and prayers.

Life goes on for them all. Karen as a physical therapist, working to make lives and limbs better. Cameron, a child growing from two to three. And Marc, inspiring his men in a sandy place far away. All of them and those they touch, waiting for the day.

The moment when he comes home. Cam hears of it and cannot contain his excitement. The adults, more measured, living through the bureaucracy and the waiting as the days grow shorter. But at last it comes, life may not be the same, but they are together again. The future holds no limits as they return to normalcy, the American Dream. To what, at the end, matters most.

Welcome home, Marc.

The Intrepid Observer At Wal-Mart

2005-10-26T18:26:00.000-04:00

Hey, what's hanging from that woman's cart? Oh. It's oxygen. Well, now I feel bad. I should get out of her way.

Except I can't get out of her way that way cause there's a post there. And now I've scared the poor woman.

Oh, look, it's the Point of Grace Christmas CD I've wanted. Wait-no- not the Christmas spirit!

T-O-Y-L-A-N-D. It's not time for toys. It's Halloween, therefore it's time for candy. Where's the candy?

Wow, you must be really unself-conscious if you can wear a ponytail while balding. Ewwwww.

Come on, Harvey, I cleaned you out yesterday, now don't hide from me.

What's with the cones in the parking lot? I don't remember any cones.

Ooooops, there's a trash can.

Erm, perhaps Not-So-Intrepid-Observer is more accurate?

I'm Taking Over

2005-10-24T22:05:00.000-04:00

Hey, the kid gets a blog. She even lets the imaginary dog take a whack at it. But what about me? I know you all love me. You want to hear form me. So to heck with her. I'm taking over.

And who am I? I'm the one who hauls her sorry self all over town. The one who holds her secrets. (That one she says about not eating so much fast food? Ask me how many McDonald's bags I carry in an average week.) I'm the one who has to put up with her and her friends and all her junk that she could live for a month off of. You know it-I'm Harvey.

And I do a lot for her. I push myself to the limits when she begs, "Please, Harvey, just get Mommy to work on time and I promise I'll get you gas after and I wo'n sreent do this to you naymore." Riiiiiight. And Mommy? What's up with that? She's three years older than I am. And those McDonald's bags aren't the only things in there. She's got, what, three changes of clothes, umbrellas, Homer Simpson, sunscreen, ice picks, flashlights, gas receipts, bag lunches, Cokes. What's she gonna do, go out in the woods and play survival? Don't even ask me when the last time I had a wash was. I can't remember.

And yet...I love her. I stand out for her, proclaim her Republicanism. Everybody knows who I am and that makes her happy. And I protect her- when there's strange people in me, I try to scare them off the best way I know how. We're alike, you know-neither one of us is what you'd expect us to be. We both have our little meltdown moments, but you aren't going to find a more loyal friend. I know she loves me, too. She wouldn't drive anyone else even if she could. So we'll keep on defying the odds together, for as long as we're both running.

Day in the Life

2005-10-22T15:22:00.000-04:00

8:30 A.M. Oh, look, it’s the Hair Club! Yeah, whatever.
11:00 Why on earth did I set the alarm for 11?
11:37 Okay, it’s late enough to call work.
11:40 And Christy is being waaaaaay too perky. But at least I don’t have to go in.
11:42 All right, I’ll be good and get my flu shot. But I’m doing it in my pajamas.
11:46 Too cold for pajamas so I throw some Auburn pants on.
12:00 P.M. "Are you high risk?" Yes ma’am. So I don't look like the fifty-years-older crowd.
12:05 Listening to people talk of their ailments and call their husbands Dad...
12:15 "Don’t move, you’re bleeding." Apparently this makes me interesting.
12:20 It’s that time again- time to play Where’s Nettie’s Car?
12:35 Stupid Windows Media Player. Now I have to restart.
12:50 And now that I have the Internet’s gone out. So not in the mood to fix it.
1:35 Dang, my belt got broken. Suppose I shouldn’t throw it.
1:48 Internet back up.
3:00 Lunch. Cream of Wheat. Don't think I bothered with breakfast.
3:32 Finish kuru book.
4:02 "Your browser's cookie functionality is disabled." No. It. Isn't!
4:54 Impulse to do my German Freudian impression: "Ve vill hoff to shink your head. Und how does zat mack you feel?"
5:39 Clip of Pooh going on murderous rampage shouldn't make me cry with laughter.
6:15 Hurricane Wilma Punishes Mexico Coastline. Bad Mexico coastline, bad!
7:00 Where's my SVU?
7:57 Stupid Criminal Intent.
8:00 Ahh, Law and Order:SVU. Good USA.
8:30 Discussion of marriage and family with online friend that morphs into cloning, to capitalism, that morphs into...something.
9:00 More SVU. Sensing a pattern?
9:07 Eh, I've seen this one twice already. Which isn't an automatic disqualification except I remember how it ends.
10:02 There have to be some I haven't seen.
10:07 Yet I still gasp when the rogue cop lunges.
11:11 Stupid spambots. Why would I want a year of Lean Cuisines?
12:00 A.M. Technically a new day, but I don't measure time like normal people.
12:34 What bit me?
1:02 Nice bruise under that Band-Aid.
1:40 The Net: Bringing Similarly Strange Minds Together.
2:20 Burn a CD of stupid Christmas songs to amuse my friends.
2:45 Drag myself into the shower. After which I have the self-discipline to stay away from the computer and go to bed.

I Do A Great Monkey Impression

2005-10-21T10:30:00.000-04:00

You Are A: Monkey!

Monkeys are intelligent and agile, well-adapted for jungle life as they swing happily from tree to tree. As a monkey, you are a social animal who is quick to learn new things, loves to climb and is known to show off. A monkey's tiny primate features are irresistible, as is her gregarious personality!

You were almost a: Squirrel or a Kitten
You are least like a: Turtle or a Pony Discover What Cute Animal You Are!

One Big Kid

2005-10-19T15:34:00.000-04:00

No, not me, my nephew. The most adorable child in the world who loves his toes. (And his blog. Heh heh.) But he's not even six months and he's already eighteen pounds. When my PT taught me how to carry that weight around safely- well, boxes don't move. It's "Okay, Austin, let Auntie Nettie put her knee braces on and we'll go up and down the driveway. Again."

He really is smart, though. I was visiting him at Melissa's in-laws, they were all going to a wedding. His grandparents took him about five Friday, but Melissa left a few hours before for the rehearsal. It wasn't two minutes after she did and he was bawling. Separation anxiety isn't supposed to happen until nine months, but what can I say? Just that I would do anything for him.

BBW Vocab

2005-10-17T23:20:00.000-04:00

I love my job and it amuses me. Hence, a guide so it can amuse the normal world too.

BBW: Bath and Body Works. I'm not sure what most people are searching for when they Google this, but you won't find it here.

Flagship: The more extensive type of BBW stores; ours is the only one in South Carolina. This means we carry lots of third-party (i.e. clinical and expensive) brands- Molton Brown, Wexler, Awake, Biotherm, etc.

Core- This is mostly what you find; they carry the traditional products, but also ones the company owns, like C.O. Bigelow and Le Couvant. Although lacking in variety, they have the advantage of smaller stores and thus less floor space to mop.

Rooms: Divide the store; we have four and then the registers; for example, clinical is in room two and the popular products are in room four. We have the second largest space in the company; most have two or three.

Limited Brands: Our umbrella company, also encompasses The Limited, Express, Structure, Victoria's Secret, and White Barn Candle.

Ken Montero: The VP of Bath and Body Works itself. He led the team that came to reward us in February for being second in the country in holiday sales, behind only the Cleveland home store. The crew therefore considers him a close, personal friend and screams "Yeah, Ken!" whenever his name is mentioned or we see him in a training video.

CSL: Kind of a part-time manager, we have one of these and three regular managers. What I love about my store is that the leaders aren't afraid to get down on the floor and clean if they have to. Usually cause they broke something.

Floorset: When we put out new products on the sales floor and move around the others. Just finished our third holiday one and I think we've all had enough.

DBR: Stands for the fancy Daily Beauty Rituals- in other words, your basic body creams, shower gels, bubble baths in traditional flavors- sweet pea, moonlight path, and so on.

Antibac: The antibacterial soaps that are the bane of associates' existence. They're always a mess but when they go to two bucks- people go insane and you could spend hours making them look pretty again.

Wallflowers: Like Glade Plug-ins, only nicer and refillable. You put 'em in an outlet and they're supposed to last a couple months. Unless you live in the South, in which case they go faster from the humid heat. Bringing the crazies out in even bigger droves when they're half off.

On-call: When you have to call an hour or two before the shift to see if you have to work or not, and it's usually the opposite of whichever one you want.

If that doesn't make sense- well, you're just gonna be SOL for the rest of the holiday season, aren't you?

Remember Me?

2005-10-16T23:58:00.000-04:00

I've decided to let Neal field this one. Enjoy kiddies!

Three names I go by: Neal. Puppy. Dead Meat.
Three screen names I have had: It's Neal, just Neal.
Three physical things I like about myself: I have cute floppy ears, am an unusually bright red. And I have a long tail that wags.
Three physical things I don't like about myself: I am small and people tend to step on me. I can't bend my head enough to catch biscuits dropped below me. I wanna be a big bad dog.
Three parts of my heritage: Ummm, Chihuaha, terrier, and a little bit of wolf. Everybody's got that, don't they?
Three things that scare me: Clowns, rabies, cats.
Three of my everyday essentials: A big human's bed, my gold leash, and The Wizard of Oz.
Three of my favorite musical artists: The Pound Puppies. Judy Garland. Bow Wow.
Three of my favorite songs: The Pound Puppies singing Jingle Bells. Who Let the Dogs Out? Eat It.
Three lies and truths in no particular order: I exist only inside a computer. But I'm scheming to get out. My creator is nuts. And sanity is highly overrated. I dream of being purple. Love pizza.
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me: I don't really do that, if you get my drift.
Three of my favorite hobbies: Licking myself. Plotting. Running in the grass.
Three things I want to do really badly now: Get revenge on a certain someone. Eat something new for a change. And revenge...
Three careers I'm considering/I've considered: Guard dog- I'm little but I'm tough. Or I could go into show biz. Unless somebody nice wants to just adopt me and spoil me.
Three places I want to go on vacation: That big paradise for canines I've heard so much about. Canada. Or Miami, is it nice there?
Three kid's names I like: Ranger, Martha, Ireland.
Three things I want to do before I die: Figure out the right way to count doggie years. Learn to be at peace. And invent a dog bone whose flavor will shock the world.
Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy: Use your imagination on this.
Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl: I'm a wimp. Not that girls are wimpy, but I'm suppsoed to be rough and tough, and I'm just...not. I like cuddles and good food.
Three celeb crushes: Beth the arcane Muppet Dog, that nice Nigerian lady who keeps emailing me (although I don't think I can help her), and Dory.
Three Tags: There are so many...I can't choose...

20 Things- About Me, Naturally

2005-10-15T18:59:00.000-04:00

Cori specifically invited me to do this meme- not that I need an excuse, anyway.

1. I love music and getting new songs makes me really happy. I'm somewhat picky about what I like but I don't apologize for it.
2. Despite the lack of it here, I love snow and dream of a white Christmas.
3. I really have no coordination and the list of things my managers have forbidden me to touch is growing.
4. I consider myself to have fairly decent computer skills, the ones I've taught myself anyway.
5. Silence drives me crazy but sometimes I think I could use a little more of it.
6. When I'm stressed I like to drive around aimlessly for a time and see where I end up. I think it comes of getting lost so much.
7. My food cravings aren't usually for sugar but rather fruit or protein. Obviously I don't eat enough of either.
8. Sometimes I'm convinced I really am getting old. I never used to get sick on rides (all right, everywhere else).
9. Maturation has brought me closer to my sisters. Janna is three years older and we always fought; our shared strange sense of humor binds us now. And Melissa, thirty- I have never seen her look so beautiful as when her son was born.
10. People tell me I can do anything I want to. I just wish I knew what that was.
11. I don't care anymore if I'm always talking about my job, cause it has brought me so much I never would have thought of.
12. Going to Europe was an unforgettable experience, and I'd love the chance to just wander all over it- Italy, Germany, Austria, the Ukraine, Poland, Ireland- and see what tourists usually don't.
13. I'll never be anything more than an amateur photographer but I enjoy trying to capture things.
14. Despite my firm belief in justice and people getting what's coming to them in this world and the next, I'm anti-death penalty.
15. If you earn my loyalty, there's little I won't do for you. But if you break it...
16. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit rocks my world, but I don't like Criminal Intent and only tolerate the original.
17. Harvey's name just came to me and I really don't know why. But everyone knows who he is and that makes him happy.
18. My eighteenth year was the best of my life.
19. Random things make me laugh, usually my own thoughts going in directions I can't explain.
20. I will never give up blogging cause I love this audience too much. And it has inspired me to new heights of creativity (interpret that as you will).

Why Sleep, Life Is More Fun

2005-10-14T15:38:00.000-04:00

*originally Austin Has A Blog*

Heeeeeere's Austin!

I can roll over both ways now, and scoot backwards on my back. Just as long as I don't hit my head on the coffee table.

Auntie Nettie likes this picture cause it doesn't make her face look fat. Or something like that.

The Bear

2005-10-13T23:13:00.000-04:00

Sits sideways on a table, edge of the first room, going into the second. The mall is in front of him, with its jeans and jewelry and jaded shoppers looking to spend a buck. And behind him, an enormous, hideous, pink plastic tree, filled with goodies to tempt the utmost of Scrooges. Below, furry purses that match his own skin. Large and in charge, he is on sentry duty, a fate destined for the next three months by the the one-hundred-fifty price tag dangling in the back. Customers and associates come and go, but he stays, watching.

And then, a change. Slowly his upper body begins to slide towards his lower. They meet. Quickly, he is jerked upwards, but the slide resumes. And then, he lands on the floor, all limbs akimbo. Waiting to be rescued from his belly-up position. As he is. But success does not come to the bear. Again he is no longer sitting; instead his head is located somewhere between his knees. Perhaps he is feeling sick. Or defeated from his seemingly simple mission- to sit in his designated station in the store and protect it from all things mythical and real. He exists to do this job, yet he cannot. Still he remains, hoping, until the moment-

"Nettie, didn't I tell you to quit touching stuff already?!"

Bored at the Fair

2005-10-12T15:03:00.000-04:00

My third time here already and it's getting old. But I found the cable place and they have the 'Net. Heh heh. I should be over at the Republican booth but there's too many people there already and they took all the chairs. I'll go back eventually. In the meantime, a summary:

Sights: It's Senior Citizen Day. Although my campaign manager denies it, our primary opponent Andre has cuter stickers. The Dems have this hilarious fan-mask thing of our State Treasurer- that's why you go into politics, to get your face on a fan. I saw an old high school friend of mine at the Stand Up for Life place. They just turned Casper on where I am now.

Sounds: J.K. said he was going to end up in an argument with someone. I told him he should, I was bored of listening to the stupid dancing cats singing about 911 in the community cop booth across. And Deputy Bill, the puppet who comes on Saturday mornings- oh, joy. There's some church band a few down, mostly tambourines. And a random merchant dude who keeps yelling, "Candy!"

Smells: We're situated next to this salsa maker guy who keeps chopping onions. I haven't been to see the animals yet- all those bunnies and cows and horses in one building. J.K. said he didn't want to smell like the fanimals.

Tastes: I ate two hours ago and I'm already hungry again. I can't remember the last time I had a corn dog. I had an elephant ear the other day with Janna and oh, the fried buttery sugary goodness. And the candy apples- who cares if I get 'em all over my face? They have blue raspberry.

Feelings: Was about to fall asleep if I sat there any longer. Same with the log cabin lady I'm currently next to, who has a laptop. I want one. But I amused the cable guy who came and read over my shoulder, he said to come buy cake. And I have decided men are lucky, there's never lines to their restrooms. My knees hurt cause I'm standing here but at least I'm not bored anymore.

They're Killing The Cartoons

2005-10-11T23:12:00.000-04:00

Unicef is killing the Smurfs. Apparently it's to make a point about the state of the world. I'm not sure how spreading blue cheer with cute little voices deserves a massacre. But the bombs rain down on that village. It's not just the Smurfs, or even the SpongeBob controversy. Cartoons ain't what they used to be.

Take Captain Planet. It had a message- granted, a slightly liberal one- but overall harmless put-the-polluters in jail. Or Animaniacs, which made no sense but stuck in your head- "What are we gonna do tonight, Brain?" "Same thing we do every night, Pinky- try to take over the world!" David the Gnome, who went around saving little forest creatures. Even Scooby-Doo, with its predictable plots and "If it weren't for you meddling kids!" Anything was better than this.

Shows about flies. I mean, who wants to watch a show about flies? Or better yet, cockroaches! Sure, they're the ones you want to come and save the world. Apparently Winnie the Pooh isn't good enough for Disney anymore, they only put him on at 5:30 in the morning. And none of the old stuff is on Cartoon Network- no Cow and Chicken, Dexter's Lab, even Powerpuff Girls. I just want to know what all these poor innocent creations did to get bounced by the Mega-Disney and get replaced by insects. At least they aren't bombing the Hundred Acre Wood.

I Really Never Do That

2005-10-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

An amusing and humiliating anecdote to make you, well, laugh at me:

Janna and I at the fair. I don't consider myself chicken, but I don't like to go upside down. So I let her talk me into "it doesn't go upside down, just around and sideways"- the Afterburner. Appropriately enough. It was just like the old G Force, which I hated and forgot every year that I hated. I wasn't very stable when I got off of that, as I had my eyes closed the whole time. And then, the final mistake: the Tornado.

I used to like this ride. It's open to the air, four people to a thing shaped like an X. And a wheel so you can make it do extra spins. "All right boys, let's get it spinning!" "OK, Janna-" "Come on, Nettie!" "No, really, Janna, stop spinning it." "You'll be fine!" And indeed the ride was slowing. But not soon enough.

Give me credit, I'm still spinning but managed to aim. All three times I hit the ground and not myself, my sister, or those poor little boys. Of course, she thought it was hilarious. The rest of the night, even on the Ferris wheels- "No, she's afraid she'll throw up again." "Janna, stop scaring the nice people!" I think I need to listen more to my stomach and less to my sister.

Holiday Floorset Highlights

2005-10-10T01:17:00.000-04:00

Nettie isn't allowed to touch the balls. You told me to straighten them. -Yeah, but now we have to fix the two that Nettie knocked down. I'm not touching the balls, okay? I'm not touching the balls!

I do not have the patience to teach the new people.

Here Nettie, a present for you. What is it? Packaging! It looks like space alien stuff. It probably is, you're probably allergic to it. As you throw it at me! I get it, Harmony. I get it.

Hey Lauren, what's her name? Who, me? Yeah, sorry, I don't usually go "Hey, you" at people.Yeah she does, don't listen to her, Candice! Thank you for your input. That's what managers are for!

This is probably the toughest Christmas floorset. -And we don't have everything, so you have to improvise. Shocking, right?

I hated this CD last year, and I hate it this year.

Christmas time is here again! Noooooooo....

Random Saturday Picture Blog

2005-10-08T19:50:00.000-04:00

I finally bothered to upload the rest of my Charleston trip pics, and I found this.

Well, I thought it was funny.

I Need Some New Habits

2005-10-07T10:50:00.000-04:00

I suffer from the inability to sit still. I can't seem to think straight unless I'm in motion. Some part of me always has to be moving. I try to be inconspicuous, but it seems to lead to some...peculiarities.

I play with my hair, for one. I can't come up with a reason why this is really bad, except that I look stupid. WhenI had a ponytail it wasn't so bad, but now that I actually do something with my hair I don't need to mess it up. So I'm trying to stop. It's not really working.

Okay, I need something else to do with my hands. So I put a bottle of water in 'em. Good idea in theory, but not when I unthinkingly chug three 32-ouncers in as many hours. Next.

Maybe I just need to look at it a different way. All the fidgeting burns calories, right? I have to work off all those Oreos somehow. Yeah, that's it. That's why I can't sit in a chair without bouncing up and down, why I have to run around after I've been sitting for more than an hour. I'm not nuts. It's all part of the master plan...

Questions I'm Too Lazy to Google

2005-10-05T23:30:00.000-04:00

I think I remember hearing that Kerry got Secret Service protection during his failed run. Is that standard for all presidential candidates? And if so, when does it end? As soon as they declare defeat- "Sorry, you ain't the Prez and we don't care."

Read-along DVDs. Didn't parents actually read to their kids once upon a time, instead of plopping them in front of the TV and pretending?

If someone's running in the dark with black clothes on, what's the point of having a reflective stripe across his chest? By the time you see that, you could've hit the rest of his body already.

How far around the world do you have to go before you're behind in time again instead of them being ahead of you?

Does the extra filling in the Double Stuf Oreos really clog your arteries that much faster?

And when that you're done pondering all that, make sure you go to Becca's and wish my girl a happy birthday. (But no clowns. She doesn't like them).

2005-10-04T23:11:00.000-04:00

You heard me say
I can’t
but I did.
What you’ve seen,
what you know,
no one else does.
I thought I
would be alone,
and afraid-
here you were
by my side.
I am strong,
but not alone.
Not without you.
And therein lies
my faith.

Talking Back

2005-10-03T19:35:00.000-04:00

"Microsoft Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience. " No you aren't. Who's this we, anyway? A group of bored Microsoft engineers who watches the oh-so-important stuff I do and decides every once in a while to mess with my head and send me fake apologies for it?

"What do women really want? How about their favorite movies with their favorite stars? 24/7 on the Lifetime Movie Network." I'm not even a typical woman, and I can tell you that what women really want is not to sit around watching depressing movies about women who get rare diseases and die beautiful deaths with all their formerly fighting in-laws gathered around them sobbing.

"Spell Checker- No Errors Found." What's this? No errors? I must not be doing my job then. I wrote two whole paragraphs that you actually liked. But why do you have to be gray when you announce this? Shouldn't you be happy that I spelled things right, or are you mad cause there's nothing to fix?

"Return of the Black Death!" I had a sixth grade English teacher who was really into medieval stuff. She also said that I would argue with a lamppost. I made a victim out of paint and Model Magic, male in the interests of accuracy with decency. The buboes erupted primarily on the chest and armpits- although he didn't really have any. Poor old John. The Black Death got him in his underpants.

Entertaining the Masses

2005-10-02T17:05:00.000-04:00

"It starts when we’re kids, a show-off at school. Makin’ faces at friends, you’re a clown and a fool. Doing pratfalls and birdcalls and bad imitations; ignoring your homework, there’s that dedication. Working the mirror, you’re getting standing ovations...."
The earliest vivid memory I have of that is the first impression I ever did, of my fourth-grade social studies teacher Mrs. Walden. You know the type- soft-spoken Southern woman who lives in a book and has no life. Oops, that could almost be me. Moving on. I learned to mimic her voice perfectly and made all the kids laugh. Heck, I still laugh whenever I think about it and that was eleven years ago now.

My sister Janna is a born comic as well, and whenever we weren't trying to kill each other we could be pretty amusing. Despite our young ages, we never cared if people stared at us as we produced the most annoying sound in the world. Even now, she can always crack me up. And when I make her laugh, I know that I must be really funny.

I have a larger audience now, but my sense of humor isn't what you'd call typical. I laugh at Whose Line, and the Golden Girls, or just at the random Chipmunks song on a burned CD that I've heard fifty times before. I do wonder what I must look like wandering through the store, headphones in ears, laughing to myself at my own thoughts of Super Wal-Mart Man. But I still don't care what people think of me.

Because it doesn't bother me when other people don't understand why I find funny the things that I do. They tell me that almost dying-again- shouldn't be funny. Sure it is. You just have to look at it the right way. Force me to be serious and I can do a good job at that. But why should I be? If nothing else, I do a pretty good job of entertaining myself. And if I'm really as funny as I think I am, you, too.

A Short Sentence of a Meme

2005-10-01T18:44:00.000-04:00

I did see this on both John's blog and Blair's, but was actually tagged for it by Barbara. Right, now we've got the proper credit out of the way, this seemed good for a leisurely Saturday blog. Find the twenty-third post, fifth sentence, and no I'm not going to bother to explain it:
Because I can't be bothered with finding a clean spoon.

These Dreams

2005-09-30T10:47:00.000-04:00

I want to live by the sea, to wake up to the scent of sea water that permeates the air. I want to sit on the beach and watch the sun go down, the stars shining on an endless expanse of night and gently rolling water. To feel the sand between my toes as I walk, hearing only the waves as they crash on the shore and know that until the hurricane hits, this peace will remain.

And I want to see history. I want to walk through the streets of Europe, surrounded by people yet alone with my thoughts, knowing that this soil was trod by countless others for centuries before me. Know that many mistakes were made here, yes, and maybe still are. But I have known some of Europe's people, and I want to soak it all in, soak in the places and events that happened not so many years ago. And maybe discover that despite of and because of its culture, we will always have so much to learn.

And maybe most of all- I want my words to be heard. If we let them, words can heal, words can make a difference. I want what I say to reach out to those who are hurting, who have lost their way, for them to know they aren't the only ones there. Ambitious, I know, but I believe I'll make it. Cause we can all do so much more with our own words if we only know we aren't alone.

Politick

2005-09-28T23:37:00.000-04:00

"Oh, it's nice to see you again!" Frantically racks brain. DeMint? Wilson? Victory 2004? South Carolina Republicans? Oh forget it I worked way too many campaigns last year..."Uh-huh, yeah!" Sorry, Sandra. I have no idea who you are beyond a current Campbell supporter.

Lindsay, though, I probably stood on the opposite lines of pickets several times. "When I was working for Beasley..." Of course now that DeMint is elected we're all friends again and all that. No, really, I mean it. Cause if we weren't I couldn't work with half the people I do. Just like it'll be when Mike Campbell wins and all the cocky Andre people come over to us.

I make it sound like it's this big bloodbath, Republicans versus Republicans preparing for the even bigger bloodbath of party versus party. But you've gotta have levity in there somewhere, usually at other peoples' expenses. After all, making the same blah-blah-blah invite phone call gets boring. Until you get the really enthusiastic, bored-woman-in-bed-with-vertigo, "Running against Andre Bauer??" "Yes, ma'am, and if you'll hang on a sec I'll get someone to tell you more about you can help." So I then make J.K. deal with "Crazy Woman" and laugh at him as I check my blogs.

I probably laugh too much, though, and definitely talk too fast. I know what I'm saying, as it's the same thing over and over, so I expect everyone else to know it too. Blah-blah- oh-ho, a live person, yes thank you Mr. Bullwinkel- blah blah blah... "Why are you laughing? I'm the one who had to call Pooser." "Maybe the machine didn't record that." "Don't call that one back, we'll redo it in the morning..."

Word Check

2005-09-26T20:53:00.000-04:00

I'm a lousy typer, always have been. When they taught us in elementary school I was always the one that when I finished typing the letters on the lily pad the frog would jump up and say, "Yay! You have 28 words per minute!" while everyone else's frogs were chiming fifty and sixty and seventy. I'm guessing it has something to do with my hand-eye coordination problem. Namely I don't have any. I type every day now though, either blogging, or personal writing, as my handwriting is also so lousy sometimes I can't read it. You'd think my typing speed and accuracy would have improved.

But I still end up with sentences like, "We''e all seen teh devastiion wrought by KAtrina, called the worst naturzl diosaster to ever hit teh U.S.". I still look at my fingers, and I have no idea what my wpm is but it's probably not much better. It's irritating because I consider myself reasonably computer proficient, enough to do most of what I want to do anyway, but also something of a perfectionist at that. It drives me nuts to see comments with typos that I've made and can't fix. I know how to spell, the problem is just getting that knowledge down to my fingers. Maybe I need to get better fingers.

Fun Experiments

2005-09-24T14:05:00.000-04:00

Do you cut your legs more using a regular razor versus a disposable one? The disposable doesn't have the wires, but maybe that makes you more careful. I can see lots of variables in this.

How long would it take to go insane watching nothing but a steady diet of informercials- "And for just $14.95, you, too can have the body you've always wanted...." "No. NOOOOOOOO!"

Learning how a simple box of detergent can become a deadly weapon. There's a reason they say wearing contacts plus getting a foreign substance in your eyes is a recipe for disaster. Trust me on this one.

How do they know the dog food really tastes good? Is there any testing that goes on, or do we have to take their word for it?

Parades- a military turns civilian experiment gone very, very wrong. Why on earth is it fun to sit on a sweltering road and watch a bunch of dancing idiots go by with a few sparring candidates thrown in? Better, why do I keep doing it to myself?

But then there's the Austin Blog, and that really is fun.

Fünf Monate

2005-09-24T13:34:00.000-04:00

*Originally Austin Has A Blog*

I turn five months old today. I'm not sure why this is supposed to be significant. I'm supposed to have discovered my feet by now, which I have. I think my toes are fun and I like to put them in my mouth. And indeed I am a natural early riser, as seen by the frog story.

Apparently all the big milestones come at six months. I'm supposed to start being fun at six months. But I think I'm fun already. I can eat oatmeal, and cereal, and I like squash. Unlike my parents I actually like my vegetables. Maybe there's hope I'll be a normal kid yet.

Two-Second News Reactions

2005-09-22T22:38:00.000-04:00

Mexico upset church takes drug money donations. It's against the Catholic church's policy? Well, duh!

Silicone breast implants OK'd. You think when someone has hers taken out, her chest still looks like it did before she had them? Does it change permanently, or do they just deflate back the way they were?

Sixteenth anniversary of Hurricane Hugo. You aren't a true South Carolinian if you don't have a Hugo story.

Yogurt cup activity fun. And I need to get a life? I mean, yogurt cups?

Rita will put gas above $3 again. They say the prices "should be back to $2.50 by November or December." Well, merry Christmas to you then.

Strippers return to New Orleans. That'll boost the volunteers' spirits! In fact, I could see an increase in men signing up to work certain sections of the French Quarter...

And as a special bonus, kids, I'll throw in a moral: Don't speed.

Hey, I'm Having Fun

2005-09-21T19:34:00.000-04:00

Hmmm, shall I show you what I did today? Or should I be cruel like Darlene and drag it out? It's not that dramatic, really. But there are lots of other things I could talk about. I could talk about how I got lost on the way there, since they have half the streets blocked off downtown. But more because I halfway forgot how to get there and which street you had to park from and hair guy Keith had to call and guide me in like a homing pigeon. Or the particularly humiliating story of how I flipped a particular U-turn and then noticed the cop coming up the street behind me. After that I saw cops every street I went on; I swear it was the same one following me. Probably laughing at me.

Or I could talk about my day at work. I thought I was going to be late but I wasn't really. I am so proud of Limited Brands, they've instituted a matching program for employees to donate for the hurricane relief. My colleagues kept talking to me for a little bit and then double-taking, "Did you dye your hair?" Plus Tammy told me at the end of my four hours manhandling boxes that I did a "Good job today, Nettie, a great job."

Are you still reading this? I'm very good at talking about nothing. Everyone tells me I never shut up. Maybe you should just scroll down and look at the picture. But then, maybe there isn't one. Maybe it is just a cruel joke and I'm making you hunt for it. Why do you want to see my hair, anyway? It's subtle. It's not blaringly red, it just looks darker until you catch the right light. And I just got a little off, really. It had grown, obviously, but it's just above my shoulders now. If I describe it enough, will that satisfy you? OK, OK, I know it won't. You're going, "Shut up, Nettie, and show us the picture already." I am getting tired of writing like this; I feel like I'm slipping into Austin's voice. So here you go. Now tell me how cute I am.

It's John Sununu

2005-09-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

Don't feel bad, I didn't know who he was either until I made fifty million phone calls inviting people to RSVP for the reception he had with my candidate Mike Campbell. I don't know why I like to go to these things- even though they're free for me, the food's never that great and I'm not really a mingler. But hey, I get to meet famous-y people- I got a picture with Governor Sununu, but I look really horrible and I am not putting it up. How bout some pictures of pretty things instead?

For those of you who haven't figured out from your Site Meters where I live yet- this isn't it. We were in historic Charleston, first capital of the state, where the first shots of the Civil War were fired, and all that. I had a hard time framing this pink building, but the mist was just right at that moment.

I was wandering around for a good hour before the function officially started, looking at stuff. That's Fort Sumter off in the distance.

After the speeches, my friends and I were exploring the huge old house. I wish we'd discovered the roof earlier, with more light, cause the pictures don't do the view justice. It was amazing up there.

Super Wal-Mart Man

2005-09-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

"We're sorry, you have activated Wal-Mart's inventory control system. Please step back, and an associate will help you. Thank you." But as the guy with the stereo under his arm continues towards the outer doors and freedom, to the rescue comes our hero- a white-haired man with a Wal-Mart vest. Power-walking from his place by the carts, "I am Super Wal-Mart Man! I am going to catch you, you evil young blond-headed shoplifter person! Only, could you slow down a little first?" Stereo guy disappears into the night, as Super Wal-Mart Man waddles dejectedly back into the store and is comforted by his vested sidekick, Tiny Green Man. "It's OK, Super Wal-Mart Man, you'll get him next time..."

Tiny Green Man hates the boring night shift. So he reaches into his tiny green brain for a vestige of creativity..."What the hey! How did twelve birthday cards get lined up in chronological order in the ice cream aisle?" Tiny Green Man giggles madly to himself until Super Wal-Mart Man discovers him and thunders, "Stop messing with the customers' heads and get back to the lair!"

"All right, T.G.M., you know the drill. You stand there and check out items realllly slowly so I can come up to all the pretty girls standing in line and say, My register's open! I'll be their HERO!" Ever the sycophant, Tiny Green Man complies. He adores Super Wal-Mart Man. For he believes, with all his tiny green heart, that Super Wal-Mart Man will one day rule the world...

How Short Can This Post Be

2005-09-16T18:43:00.000-04:00

Rather than subjecting you to my intensely cranky mood. And if you wonder why, it's called slam-dropping a box of Wallflowers on my bad knee. Thus ending up with, as my PT Karen put it, "Yeah, it is kinda swollen, probably got a contusion." Or according to the assistant Amber, "You don't look so hot, you know." Yeah, thanks. But luckily Melissa emailed me Austin pictures today, so you have something happy to look at. Cheers.

Tell Me How Cute I Am

2005-09-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Auntie Nettie says that if she had taken this picture, I wouldn't have red-eye...

Belle likes to chill on the couch like this too, until Mommy catches her.

Can we invest in some sunglasses for my gorgeous blue eyes please?

Let's Get Shallow

2005-09-15T12:19:00.000-04:00

I'm stealing from everybody these days, but since Darlene does it so well... who thinks I should get highlights? No, really, I mean it. I already went with the drastic change in March when I cut off two years' worth of hair. It's grown out a bit by now, obviously, and I like the length it is, about at my shoulders. I need better pictures, after I've spent an hour blowing it out, but it'd be stupid to get them just so I could put them on the Internet. After all, everyone else knows what I look like.

The layers are driving me crazy, though, because the front pieces aren't long enough to make it into the ponytail, I have to do two when I'm at PT or something. Which only serves to make me look even more like a twelve-year-old. So the long-range plan is to get it cut off to one length, and then maintain it as is, maybe a little longer.

That's a few months off though, since I want to give the front time to be long enough for a ponytail. I'm notorious for taking forever to make decisions about my hair (trust me, the one spur-of-the-moment haircut I ever got was not a pretty picture). And after all, if you're going to take two years to grow your hair for Locks of Love- twice- you have to be patient. So let the discussion begin. As I said, I'm a chicken. I've never done anything more than a semipermanent, although I did look good as a redhead for a month. I don't want a perm, but other than that- red? blond? Ideas to add life to my what-color-is-this-hair?

It'll Make You Happy

2005-09-13T22:20:00.000-04:00

A cute baby blog always makes you happy, right? Since I loved Paula's and Darlene's progenys' blogs so much, and my only child is inanimate, I decided that Austin needed his very own blog. So what if he's not even five months old yet- he'll get an early start and have a ready-made adoring public. Besides me.

It does have a practical purpose, though. I set a chronology of links to all the Austin posts, and pictures, categorized by actual day taken. And if I have a cute story that absolutely must be shared, up it goes and I can still post about beautiful Neanderthals. I'm not so sure my sister would find this amusing, but hey, who am I kidding? You know it's all cause I love that little guy. And now, with Austin Has A Blog, y'all can share the love!

Jumpin' Jumpin'

2005-09-13T22:00:00.000-04:00

*Originally Austin Has A Blog*

I got up early this morning to nurse and afterwards Mommy went to the bathroom. Luckily she looked first because in the toilet there was a pair of eyes looking back at her. She made Daddy get up and "Get that frog!" He seemed to be enjoying himself where he was so Daddy went to the garage and got the barbecue tongs. And Mommy got one of Belle's bowls to put Mr. Froggy in. But when they got back- where was Mister Froggy? Peering out from the part of the toilet where the water goes down. Only he wouldn't flush.

At this point my daddy went back to bed for twenty minutes. But when he got back up he was informed that he was not leaving for work until He Got That Frog. Well, my mommy and daddy went to do battle again with that frog. Mommy got him in the bowl at one point but couldn't clap the paper plate on top fast enough. Mister Froggy jumped on the wall. Finally, they turned the trash can sideways and got him in the plastic bag liner. Poor Mister Froggy was too much trouble and had to go out in the garbage until Monday. Hopefully.

Me and Belle slept through the whole thing. I was in my crib with a full belly and Belle took advantage and napped on the couch. But my mommy had to spend the rest of the morning cleaning up the frog slime.

This Is Beauty

2005-09-12T17:22:00.000-04:00

4000 B.C. "Yurgh a booga. Hey wifey, that girl in next cave, she hooooot. She no have hair on legs like woolly mammoth. Why you got hair on legs like woolly mammoth?" "Blegda, you look at hot girl in next cave ONE MORE TIME and you be SLEEPING with wooly mammoths." "But Nagda, see, she take sharp flint and make legs so smooooth." RAWRRRRR!!! Blegda learns to sleep with wooly mammoths.

1590 A.D. "Prithee, Blain, why doest thee body stinketh so bad? Thee shouldst throw thyself in the river." "Pray tell, Naomi, why shouldst I smell like the fishes? "I cannae stand thy smell, so clean up or thou shalt SLEEP with the fishes!"

1870. "Gosh dern it, Nancy, you look so perty when you've been runnin' from all them outlaws. Your cheeks are jest as red as the sun in the west." "No ya dumb Bucky, tain't from all that runnin'. It's a newfangled thing called rouge!" "Well, you just keep at it darlin', you just keep at it, cause I wouldn't trade you for all the gold in California. "Why thank you, Bucky, but you're still SLEEPING with the coyotes tonight!"

1920 A.D. "Aren't my curls pretty, honey?" "Where did you get those curls? Have you been drinking too much bootleg whisky and it made your hair curl?" "Why no, honey, it's the latest thing!" "Woman, you been drinking my whiskey?" "No, I haven't. But if you love your whiskey so much you can just go out to the horse-barn and SLEEP with it!"

1965 A.D. "Get a haircut, John." "Haircuts are for the birds, man. I just let it all hang out and then it's all natural and groovy, man. You dig it?" "Well until you get rid of that stinky mess on top of your head, you can just go SLEEP with those birds you like so much!" "Hey, man, you don't have to persecute me, I'm just doing my thing..."

2005 A.D. Women all over the world are subjected to relentless peddlers, selling and promoting this thing they call beauty, and wonder as they sleep alone what Neanderthal ever came up with this stuff...

Do You Remember?

2005-09-11T00:27:00.000-04:00

Do you remember where you were that day four years ago? I remember. I remember our administrators calling us all into the gym, telling us that a plane had hit one of the towers. And then another plane hit another tower. And we all sat there not comprehending until we knew, knew that America was under attack.

Do you remember what happened that day? I remember we sat in our English teacher's room, lessons forgotten, and watched the towers fall, never taking our eyes off the horror on the screen. I remember girls crying together in the halls. I remember going from room to room, huddle to huddle, praying in small groups and wondering what would the next minute, the next hour bring?

Do you remember the fear? I remember being so scared for my grandparents, mere miles from one of the biggest military bases on the East Coast. They wouldn't care about South Carolina, we would be safe. Unless they hit the Savannah River Site. Or our sleepy little capital. But they wouldn't do that, would they? But nobody knew. Nobody knew where they might go next.

Do you remember the questions? "Will the towers fall?" "Will the President be safe?" "Will they attack again?" "And when they do, where will it be?" "Did they choose 9/11 on purpose, a cruel play on our emergency system?" "How many are dead, and how many more will follow?" "How could this have happened? This wasn't supposed to happen."

Do you remember the patriotism? The flag the seniors painted on the front doors and windows- for Homecoming, that stayed till after Christmas. The outpouring of blood, so much that the Red Cross couldn't use it all. And God Bless America, everywhere God Bless America as people searched for answers.

Do you remember the impact? For everyone, it was personal. They did this to every one of us. Nothing else seemed to matter that day. And for a day, partisanship didn't matter as all of America united in their grief. And we stood strong together, strong in our mission to help the survivors, try to stop the pain, and strong to get those who did this to us. For we are America, and on that day, we were one.

Will you ever forget?

I Admit It

2005-09-09T20:20:00.000-04:00

OK, so I spent today talking about personal responsibility with my Republican cronies, that people should be allowed to stay and die if they choose, that most of them could have prepared better. And it's not that I didn't, and don't, mean it. But I'd started crying by the time I was alone and just watching the promos for the "Shelter from the Storm" concert currently playing on seventeen channels.

I've already blogged several times about Katrina. But it's time to make it personal. It's time to admit that all of us, Republican, Democrat, independent, whatever, have been shaken by this. And that it's OK to believe much of it could have been prevented, yet still be heartbroken by the sight of victims who have nothing. It's OK to criticize the officials who could have done better, yes, and yet still be so proud of the American people who are reaching into their pockets in the hopes of making a difference.

So I admit it. I'm having trouble reconciling my heart and my head on this one. As my head screams about screwups, my heart cries that it's breaking. You'll have time to sort out how to feel or what to believe about faults and prevention and responsibility. But think of the children, without homes, some never knowing if they'll see their families again. Pray, give if you can, money or whatever you can spare. And remember this, too: no matter what you believe, it's still okay to cry.

We're Republican Dorks

2005-09-07T21:00:00.000-04:00

October 2002. Somewhere in South Carolina. A moderately politically-minded seventeen year old named Nettie and a bunch of her friends, living life at a small evangelical school when they hear...."The President's coming! The President is freaking coming here! And Mr. Keefer the insanely politically-minded history teacher snagged us the day OFF! Now, we just have to find tickets..." Enter the College Republicans: "Sure, you can have tickets, you just have to volunteer a few hours for the Victory 2002 campaign." We made it through the mishaps and saw en masse the leader of our country. But that was only the beginning.

I got hooked. For the rest of the Republicans-in-SC campaign, I made signs, put up signs, tore down signs, stuffed envelopes, rang doorbells, got on TV three times, and got caught up in the headiness of politics "Oh why Do I have to be too young to vote?!" But the next time around...

Fall 2003. Let the five-way Senate race begin. I had now become a member of those same College Republicans and was volunteering for one of the five, Jim DeMint. Until the five became six, with the late addition of David Beasley, former governor and all-time sleazeball. Cue desertion of College Republicans: "Oh we don't endorse candidates until after the primaries but hey Sleazy why dontcha come speak at our last meeting for the year?" And then the six became two, and the dominoes all fell in favor of Jim DeMint, first and last standing. And somehow all the Beasleyites licked their wounds and we came back together in time for...

Fall 2004. My first presidential election, a Senate race- it's Victory 2004. Let the fun begin again. "Hey, don't you have a Spanish test?" "Who cares, let's go stuff mailboxes in the boonies until midnight!" It's the camaraderie that makes it fun- in the final stretch, we had S.C. people, D.C. people, random Ohio people, all for Bush and DeMint. And the heady night of November second: "It's two A.M., time to call all your Democrat friends and rub it in their faces!" So we were a little premature, but it panned out in the end. The aftermath just reemphasized it.

Late Summer 2005. This time, for me, it's Mike Campbell for Lieutenant Governor, and my old friend Wes from 2002 as campaign manager. Afternoons of the euphemism 'data entry': sitting at computers typing in donor names in databases. "Do you enjoy this stuff?" "I have no life." Or, alternately, sitting and watching Wes tear his hair out rebooting said computers while I scratch my head and wonder, when'd I get that dent?

But it'll all be worth it in the end. This is my game, my passion. I am a fierce competitor, and maybe a little cocky too. But you have to be to win this game. And we will. We will win this race, just as we have won before, and all the blood and tears and sweat will make the victory so sweet.

We Don't Have to Be Perfect

2005-09-06T18:45:00.000-04:00

So what is it that makes us try? Why are we convinced that the world will end if we screw up? It won't. And yet still, we push ourselves to be perfect friends, perfect workers, perfect Christians, perfect, perfect, perfect. And then the downfall, when we inevitably screw things up and prove ourselves decidedly not perfect. Again.

So what? Show me a human who never made a mistake and I'll show you Jesus. The rest of us can never hope to live up to Him. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to be as Christlike as possible. Just ease up a bit. The world will still go around if there's a few typos in your blog or a few stray meals in your car. Easier said than done, I know. But we're only human after all.

And you know what? God still loves us even when we get things wrong. Cause if He didn't, He wouldn't have anyone that He could. Fix your mistakes when you can, but after you've done that, let go of it. What's the point of making yourself miserable, there are so many more fun things you can do with your life!

Wonderland!

2005-09-05T12:12:00.000-04:00

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.
You're the type that always has multiple streams of though going.
And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.
You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Ramifications

2005-09-04T19:21:00.000-04:00

I've said this all over the 'sphere, but I really am impressed by the turnout of bloggers. N.Z. Bear, the ecosystem guy, has been logging contributions by bloggers worldwide through the Labor Day weekend. The current contributions: $763,590 donated to charities by thousands of bloggers, which I'm sure will rise. Corporations: kudos go to Wal-Mart for making it easy; you could donate at any register and several tables that I saw. Other big guys, foreign countries; even my former, insanely secular university sent out a detailed email telling students how they could help and even urging them to pray. Keep up the good work, y'all, and even if it's only five or ten bucks, lots of little dribbles will become a flood.

And as for the fallout? No one would argue that this won't change our country. And the debates on could we have prevented much of the loss, who are we going to blame, are going to continue to rage. But for now, can we please just remember the survivors? The ones who need help that is coming, the ones who lost their homes and their loved ones, the ones who maybe could've done better. But then, couldn't we all have? Remember those that lived, mourn for those that died. And before you start raging against the man, remember that it could have happened to you, too.

Break Your Heart

2005-09-03T19:15:00.000-04:00

"I know that it will hurt, I know that it will break your heart, the way things are, and the way they've been. Don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies, don't make the same mistakes with your own life- you never will let love survive..." Break Your Heart, Natalie Merchant.

You see the looters and the criminals, the evil ones taking advantage of anarchy and desperation. You witness the ones who have lost everything- food, shelter, pets, lives. And you just want to cry at the despair of it all, the wrath that nature has wrought upon a city of millions, killing, wounding, and yet, some survive.

So why are you sitting there doing nothing about it? "I don't have money," you say. Well, I don't either. But I found enough to give to the Red Cross. If it's five dollars or five thousand, every little bit makes a difference. You spend so much on gas anyway, what's a few bucks to help someone else do the same? Is it really so hard to say 'yes' to the cashiers when they say, will you give a dollar to help the victims of Katrina?

Yeah, there are lots of idiots who can't contain their misplaced anger at the President, feds, mayors, whoever they think is responsible. And no doubt there were things that could have been done better. But spewing hatred doesn't help anybody. So get off your righteous horses and do something. Give what cash you can. Find out how you can give of your time, now and later when the agencies have been forced to move on. Spread the word. Most of all- pray, people. Get on your knees, even if that's all you can do. And know that whatever you choose, you are making a difference.

You Know You Watch Too Much TV When...

2005-09-02T19:01:00.000-04:00

*You can recite the entire day's lineup on Lifetime (9 A.M. Golden Girls, 9:30 The Nanny, 10 Golden Girls....)

*Not only can you sing the K-9 Advantix song on cue, it has become your "special commercial".

*There are four things that look interesting on at 7...but you've seen them all.

*There is not a single episode of the Golden Girls that you can't recite at least some of the dialogue to.

*You can't sleep without the tube on.

*You are way too amused by the Roaming Gnome.

*You could never buy a car with a TV in it: "But Officer, I wasn't watching it, I was just listening to it."

*You're convinced a set of fairy godparents would solve all your problems.

*You get scared by some of the things you see on there...like those diet pills people...No, no, get out of my head evil Leptoprin woman!

I Like My Random Thoughts

2005-09-01T16:35:00.000-04:00

So the rest of you can just deal with them, eh?

*I made an amazing journey today after physical therapy. And I'm not allowed to go back to the used CD store anymore. But it's just so...cheap! 6 CD's and a DVD for 30 bucks- about what I paid yesterday for gas. And hopefully I will enjoy it more. But I did manage to resist the Ricky Martin.

*There's a sign at the Food Lion that states pets aren't allowed but service animals are welcome. Well, that's all fine and dandy, but if you're using a Seeing Eye Dog, how are you supposed to find out that they're welcome? Can the dog read?

*Joy Williams is awesome. And no, she wasn't included in the six CD's, that was yesterday's Target trip along with the Beatles Yellow Submarine T-shirt. I need to cheer up soon or else I'll go broke. Although Genesis made for some good listening when I was playing find-the-gas-in-the-gas-station.

*Since there's only one, I usually listen to a certain local CCM station in the car. But the lack of diversity annoys me. They're pretty heavy on Michael W. Smith, Point of Grace, MercyMe- all of whom I love. But never Amy Grant- maybe they think she went too far astray from Christian music. Of all the songs dc Talk has, there's only one or two they play; same with Audio Adrenaline and Switchfoot. I love most of the music, but come on, there's more out there than the white fluff. Even if it doesn't meet the so-many-Jesus-mentions-per-minute quota.

*How I got started volunteering for political candidates: "I got George W. Bush tickets. You got me hooked on this for life. I think you won."

Goodness Gaseous

2005-08-31T19:41:00.000-04:00

Well, boys and girls, we knew it was coming. But it's a freaking mob scene out there. By the mall today a little after two, gas was at $2.89 per gallon. In that area, it's usually a good ten cents above the cheaper parts of town. But by 5:20, barely three hours later, any place with that price had already been cleaned out by the mobs who then turned to the stations with $2.99.

I was naturally alarmed by this, so I decided to top Harvey off, even though I'd filled him on Sunday. Two depleted gas stations, three mob scenes, 29 dollars, and a quarter of a tank later, we hit full capacity. If you can get to a gas station, most especially if you're in the South, I'd urge you to do it now. But make sure you have something to entertain yourself while you sit in line. Don't wait, cause it's only going to get worse. Brave it, people, you'll thank yourselves later.

Of course, the underlying cause of this mess is Katrina. Please keep praying for her victims- I can't imagine the chaos there- for their homes, heartbreak, and health. And donate to the Red Cross if you can. God be with Louisiana and Mississippi and Alabama.

Could You Do It?

2005-08-29T20:00:00.000-04:00

I've long been fascinated by forensics. Body farms, autopsies, stranglings, poisonings, serial killers, accidents, investigations of all kinds, I devour it all. But watching it on TV is undoubtedly a long way from actually experiencing it. I don't consider myself squeamish- OK, so I squealed like a girl and yanked my feet up when Kat's husband pointed out the roaches running around on the porch below- but as a rule. Admittedly, I have only seen one dead person outside of a funeral, but my reaction was not one of horror and disgust. Rather, it was one of sadness that despite the training I was receiving at the time, there was nothing I could do for the family. Nothing, except listen and pray and hope that my presence wasn't making things worse.

So what does it take to work with death for a living? From what I've learned, belief that life goes on doesn't seem to be a prerequisite. Maybe it's because I do believe we go on that this surprises me, but I don't understand how you can have any hope in being around death if all you think will happen is a big dirt nap. Pretty anticlimactic. And obviously, you can't be squeamish, afraid of blood or a few bad odors, but there are different degrees of this. Being a forensic entomologist might horrify some technicians who are content to sit in their labs and play with fibers.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I think it started off as a treatise on squeamishness and somehow evolved into how can you bear to do this with your life-type thing. But you can't get away from death; it's all around us, from the turtle you run over with your car to the victims of hurricanes. You can't escape it, but why do we embrace it? Why do we cluster round the TV to hear about the body farm? Why are we fascinated by the many different ways to die? And does trying to answer these questions make us feel better about the eventuality of leaving this earth? I don't believe that's where the answers lie; look to God if you're worried about an eternal fire. But beyond that, maybe it's just comforting to see this gruesomeness and be glad, on a level, that it isn't happening to us. Or maybe emotions have nothing to do with it. Perhaps it is, after all, a purely intellectual exercise...

Sometimes There Are No Answers

2005-08-27T18:36:00.000-04:00

If my feet were smaller, would I trip over them less?

How do they get the pizza in the pizza-flavored Cheetos?

Is there no apparent limit to the amount of mucus the human nose can produce?

And if I eat enough of the Cheetos, will mine be orange?

Are ants grateful when you blow them off from the edge of the pool? Or do they just wonder why a giant wind is keeping them from drowning with their brethren?

If you eat enough sour Sweet Tarts, would your taste buds burn off from the effects?

"So the problem is coordination?" "Well, coordination was always a problem, but now with the other problem it's an even bigger problem than it was before. Or, something."

Was the dude who invented blogging the first one to lose interest after a month, leaving the rest of us to our addictions and futile questions?

I'll Meet You There

2005-08-25T22:56:00.000-04:00

"I'm not unhappy, but I'd take the train today..." So begins the Point of Grace song, Day by Day; about how sometimes, the Rapture starts to 'look real good right about now'. It's not that I want to leave my life here on Earth. After all, I've had some fun here , and there's still a lot I want to see and do, a lot of living I still have left. And it's not that I'm a student of prophecy- I've done some reading. But I wouldn't even begin to try to pinpoint the day of Jesus's return, when He comes swiftly in the sky to take His followers away with Him. I don't know when it'll be; I don't think any of us does.

But haven't you ever stopped to imagine what it will be like? I know I'll see Kevin again, and my great-grandmother, and meet the ones I never knew, like my great-uncle Wavely. And it's appealing to think of getting away from everyday life's annoyances, away from the being late to work and falling on your face, away from losing things and people and quite possibly your mind. Awesome as that all sounds, isn't there more to heaven than that?

Remember the times where you've been at a weekend retreat, with a great speaker and lots of praise and worship and you're just so filled with God you could burst? Take that feeling, and try to imagine living for eternity with that feeling. What could be better than that? Certainly not lying on a cloud all day eating cream cheese with naked baby-faced angels. No, the heaven of the Bible, the heaven I believe in, promises that "the Lamb...will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." (Revelation 7:17). So it's more than just a break from our sorrows; God Himself will comfort us. Rocked in the arms of the Lord for the rest of time: heaven.

Will I meet you there?

I'm Not Lazy, I Just Like Memes

2005-08-23T22:13:00.000-04:00

Courtesy Better Safe. Hey, isn't there some rule, the rule of sevens or something? Oh well...

7 things I plan to do before I die: *I'd wanted to vote since I was seven years old, so that was a big accomplishment, one I will continue doing. *I want to have kids, since I love them, although some people would undoubtedly wonder why I would subject some poor child to my genetic material. *Go to Central or South America, on a missions trip. *Also go back to Europe, revisit Austria and Italy, and see more- Poland and the Ukraine, as a tourist/student. *I'd love to meet some of my fellow bloggers while here on Earth. *Learn to speak Spanish, which I do a little, and also German. *Be on a game show, hopefully Jeopardy.

7 things I can do: *Sing. *Spout off random bits of knowledge and/or quotes that have only a vague connection to the conversation. *I flatter myself that I'm a good writer. *Make people laugh. *Sell the BBW stuff that I love. *Save money (all right, so I'm cheap.) *Read a 652-page novel in five hours.

7 things I cannot do: *Dance. *I have absolutely no sense of direction, I've been known to get thoroughly lost in my own hometown. *Milk a cow. *Understand the conversion between the dollar and the euro. *Car vault. *Squirt milk out of my eye, which is truly disgusting to watch. *Cook from scratch.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex: *Um, blond? *I don't know if it's an attraction, but almoost every guy I've been involved with has been shorter than me. *He has to make me laugh, too, cause I'm always the one making other people laugh. *A Christian. *He wouldn't necessarily have to agree with me on all political issues, I enjoy a debate, but at least the important, life-or-death ones. *Around my age, nothing May-December. *A romantic- geez, I hate these romance questions.

7 things that I say most often: *Oh, are you kidding me? *Harvey, do you want Mommy to crash you into that other car? *Yeah, sure, I'll take your shift. *I'm OK! *Do I have candy, what kind of a stupid question is that? *Isn't my nephew just the cutest baby? *Where's my tissues/Sharpie/water bottle/sanity?

7 celebrity crushes: *Josh Hartnett. *Christopher Meloni. *James and Oliver Phelps. *Colin Mochrie. *George W. *Nick Carter...

7 people I want to do this: I'm not in the mood to be cruel, can I have seven volunteers?

This Is The Meme That Never Ends

2005-08-22T20:30:00.000-04:00

Y'all know the one- the interview game. You leave a comment asking to be interviewed, then the original interviewee comes up with five questions for you, and you pass it on. And if there's anyone in the circle who hasn't played this, or who's just really narcissistic and thinks they need to be interviewed again, please feel free. Today, the very cool Laurian, from Peas on Toast, interviews moi.

1) Who do YOU think killed JFK? Lee Harvey Oswald. Although I am not a student of history, I've seen a few Discovery Channel specials on the assassination, and I don't think there's enough evidence to suggest a conspiracy.

2) What was the last thing that exploded in your microwave? Well, I have two options for my answer: I can tell of what I exploded all over the kitchen, or I could tell my sister Melissa's exploding-in-the-microwave story. Since hers is funnier, and not at my expense...To be fair, it was a long time ago, and she does know how to cook now, but Melissa learned the hard way that you don't put an unopened can of Spaghetti-O's in the microwave. On high.

3)Who are the four people that you make the most phonecalls to? (maybe on speed dial, etc) Work is definitely number one, since we have certain shifts, called on-calls, where we're supposed to call in on the chance that they might need me. And since I'm a good little BBW associate, I always check. After that, probably my friend Alisha, my sister Janna, and my voicemail, cause I always call people back.

4)Why is your car called Harvey? He told me his name was Harvey, and I listened. Cause when Harvey talks, you listen.

5)Where is the most exotic place you've ever been to? It could be right down the road, it could be in South America... Never been to South America, although I'd love to. But as far as exotic goes, for scenery, I'd pick Austria. It was sooo beautiful there- the mountains, the views from the castles, but of course my classmates were just happy I got to go on the Sound of Music tour so I'd finally shut up about it. As far as culture, probably Italy. Naturally the Vatican is a whole other world, but Italia- the gelatto, the singing on street corners, the graffiti, the gelatto....I love Europe. If for no other reason than it is exotic.

To Be Human

2005-08-21T16:00:00.000-04:00

Sounds like this is going to be some big philosophical, theological discussion of what it means to be a person versus animal, whet humanity is coming to, and all that good, deep stuff, doesn't it? Well, you should know better, because it's not. It's about an old, familiar problem- SPAM. And no, not the fake meat product that no one ever admits to eating. To be technical- you don't want it, you didn't ask for it, and yet, it keeps on coming.

Spam isn't a new problem, for me or likely anyone else. I have a Hotmail account that I spend more time on killing friendly messages such as, "Hey, you've won a free $100 restaurant gift card!" (No, I haven't) or, "Your AFC bank account has been breached so click this link and enter your passwords and we'll take care of it for you!" (Nice try, guys, but I've never even heard of AFC bank); than getting actual messages. And when you push the "Next blog" button, you get blogs driven by machines offering cheap deals on cell phones, with a human far far off in the distance hoping someone will fall for it.

That sort of thing, I'm used to. But when they invade MY turf, I get mad. I didn't painstakingly build this thing to end up with comments such as, "I agree with your post, hey check this out, I think you're gonna like it!" Not sure how you can not agree with a post about penguins, but I digress. This is when I decide to do something. The question is, what?

I debated disabling anonymous commenting, but several of my readers don't have Blogger accounts. I created a fake account they could use to sign in on, but that seemed like too much work. And I believe in allowing anonymous comments- if you want to voice your opinion but don't have the courage to use your name, or if you want to play Linky-Do, or whatever, fine. I won't be the curtail your free speech, I believe in expressing your opinion even if it's one I don't necessarily like. But I was so frustrated , I went to the settings to do just that- and then I saw an alternative.

I got so excited about this alternative- word verification- that I went around like Rambo Woman yesterday, suggesting it on every random blog I saw that had been hit by the Spammers. And if you don't know how to do it, I already sent Darlene a tutorial, and who am I to try to beat my own words? Requiring commenters to verify a word works because the spammers are automated, and it takes a human to type in some letters they see. Plus, a lot of the spammers have caught on and aren't anonymous anymore, as I discovered playing Rambo. So until they get smarter than this, you're going to have to type in a few letters- a pretty small price to pay for my sanity. At least, I think so.