Monday, September 12, 2005



This Is Beauty

4000 B.C. "Yurgh a booga. Hey wifey, that girl in next cave, she hooooot. She no have hair on legs like woolly mammoth. Why you got hair on legs like woolly mammoth?" "Blegda, you look at hot girl in next cave ONE MORE TIME and you be SLEEPING with wooly mammoths." "But Nagda, see, she take sharp flint and make legs so smooooth." RAWRRRRR!!! Blegda learns to sleep with wooly mammoths.

1590 A.D. "Prithee, Blain, why doest thee body stinketh so bad? Thee shouldst throw thyself in the river." "Pray tell, Naomi, why shouldst I smell like the fishes? "I cannae stand thy smell, so clean up or thou shalt SLEEP with the fishes!"

1870. "Gosh dern it, Nancy, you look so perty when you've been runnin' from all them outlaws. Your cheeks are jest as red as the sun in the west." "No ya dumb Bucky, tain't from all that runnin'. It's a newfangled thing called rouge!" "Well, you just keep at it darlin', you just keep at it, cause I wouldn't trade you for all the gold in California. "Why thank you, Bucky, but you're still SLEEPING with the coyotes tonight!"

1920 A.D. "Aren't my curls pretty, honey?" "Where did you get those curls? Have you been drinking too much bootleg whisky and it made your hair curl?" "Why no, honey, it's the latest thing!" "Woman, you been drinking my whiskey?" "No, I haven't. But if you love your whiskey so much you can just go out to the horse-barn and SLEEP with it!"

1965 A.D. "Get a haircut, John." "Haircuts are for the birds, man. I just let it all hang out and then it's all natural and groovy, man. You dig it?" "Well until you get rid of that stinky mess on top of your head, you can just go SLEEP with those birds you like so much!" "Hey, man, you don't have to persecute me, I'm just doing my thing..."

2005 A.D. Women all over the world are subjected to relentless peddlers, selling and promoting this thing they call beauty, and wonder as they sleep alone what Neanderthal ever came up with this stuff...

15 Comments:

At 9/12/2005 06:12:00 PM, Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i belive that beauty comes from within and i have two daughters and one son that i've raised to think like this as well.

 
At 9/12/2005 07:15:00 PM, Blogger Cori said...

I love it! I can just hear you now-talkin so perty! I did not know you did voice impersonations!

 
At 9/12/2005 07:53:00 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Some of you can still pull it off naturally, Nettie!

 
At 9/12/2005 08:57:00 PM, Blogger Jeff H said...

Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but methinks thou dost sell items related to beauty, unless thou has recently changed employ?

 
At 9/12/2005 09:17:00 PM, Blogger Amigo said...

Women may be subjected to a lot of stuff, but shaved legs and bathing are a good thing. A very good thing.

 
At 9/12/2005 09:48:00 PM, Blogger mrsd said...

Soap, shampoo, hairbrush: the frugal way to look and smell beautiful. It also helps to have good DNA. Blame your family tree for any defects. :)

 
At 9/12/2005 09:49:00 PM, Blogger Shelley said...

LOL...great post...and I think all those things were invented my men of course.

 
At 9/12/2005 10:38:00 PM, Blogger Paula said...

ROFL, what a great post! So funny and so like you. I'll do and believe just about anything guaranteed to make me beautiful.

 
At 9/12/2005 11:31:00 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

You're so cute. Both your writing and your beauty.

 
At 9/13/2005 08:22:00 AM, Blogger gr8in98 said...

This is so true! :) And how did we women end up with all the cosmetic adjustments? Only a man could think that high heels, panyhose, and bras were a good idea. ;)

 
At 9/13/2005 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Sweetie Guy Hutchinson said...

I am glad to read how you blew the lid off yet another conspiracy. Kudos!

 
At 9/13/2005 01:13:00 PM, Blogger FunkyLoona said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting! Love your blog skin btw...

 
At 9/13/2005 01:38:00 PM, Blogger Marla Bean said...

When it comes to beauty: no pain, no gain.

 
At 9/14/2005 01:39:00 PM, Blogger ~Deb said...

Haha, I love the caveman segment. Reminds me of that HGH that I'm taking... I started a few chest hairs here and there...sshhhh! Don't tell anyone! ;)

This was a great post! Great imagery.

 
At 7/22/2006 09:50:00 PM, Blogger Mountain Mama said...

Pretty funny. But very true too!
And I used to sell AVON!!!

 

Post a Comment


Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult!

<< Home