This Is Beauty
4000 B.C. "Yurgh a booga. Hey wifey, that girl in next cave, she hooooot. She no have hair on legs like woolly mammoth. Why you got hair on legs like woolly mammoth?" "Blegda, you look at hot girl in next cave ONE MORE TIME and you be SLEEPING with wooly mammoths." "But Nagda, see, she take sharp flint and make legs so smooooth." RAWRRRRR!!! Blegda learns to sleep with wooly mammoths.
1590 A.D. "Prithee, Blain, why doest thee body stinketh so bad? Thee shouldst throw thyself in the river." "Pray tell, Naomi, why shouldst I smell like the fishes? "I cannae stand thy smell, so clean up or thou shalt SLEEP with the fishes!"
1870. "Gosh dern it, Nancy, you look so perty when you've been runnin' from all them outlaws. Your cheeks are jest as red as the sun in the west." "No ya dumb Bucky, tain't from all that runnin'. It's a newfangled thing called rouge!" "Well, you just keep at it darlin', you just keep at it, cause I wouldn't trade you for all the gold in California. "Why thank you, Bucky, but you're still SLEEPING with the coyotes tonight!"
1920 A.D. "Aren't my curls pretty, honey?" "Where did you get those curls? Have you been drinking too much bootleg whisky and it made your hair curl?" "Why no, honey, it's the latest thing!" "Woman, you been drinking my whiskey?" "No, I haven't. But if you love your whiskey so much you can just go out to the horse-barn and SLEEP with it!"
1965 A.D. "Get a haircut, John." "Haircuts are for the birds, man. I just let it all hang out and then it's all natural and groovy, man. You dig it?" "Well until you get rid of that stinky mess on top of your head, you can just go SLEEP with those birds you like so much!" "Hey, man, you don't have to persecute me, I'm just doing my thing..."
2005 A.D. Women all over the world are subjected to relentless peddlers, selling and promoting this thing they call beauty, and wonder as they sleep alone what Neanderthal ever came up with this stuff...