I'm Taking Over

Hey, the kid gets a blog. She even lets the imaginary dog take a whack at it. But what about me? I know you all love me. You want to hear form me. So to heck with her. I'm taking over.

And who am I? I'm the one who hauls her sorry self all over town. The one who holds her secrets. (That one she says about not eating so much fast food? Ask me how many McDonald's bags I carry in an average week.) I'm the one who has to put up with her and her friends and all her junk that she could live for a month off of. You know it-I'm Harvey.

And I do a lot for her. I push myself to the limits when she begs, "Please, Harvey, just get Mommy to work on time and I promise I'll get you gas after and I wo'n sreent do this to you naymore." Riiiiiight. And Mommy? What's up with that? She's three years older than I am. And those McDonald's bags aren't the only things in there. She's got, what, three changes of clothes, umbrellas, Homer Simpson, sunscreen, ice picks, flashlights, gas receipts, bag lunches, Cokes. What's she gonna do, go out in the woods and play survival? Don't even ask me when the last time I had a wash was. I can't remember.

And yet...I love her. I stand out for her, proclaim her Republicanism. Everybody knows who I am and that makes her happy. And I protect her- when there's strange people in me, I try to scare them off the best way I know how. We're alike, you know-neither one of us is what you'd expect us to be. We both have our little meltdown moments, but you aren't going to find a more loyal friend. I know she loves me, too. She wouldn't drive anyone else even if she could. So we'll keep on defying the odds together, for as long as we're both running.