Monday, May 30, 2005

In Memoriam

Note: In the U.S., Memorial Day is traditionally about honoring veterans. I do want to post about my grandfather's WWII service at some point. But I wrote this last week, and it just seeemed the appropriate day to share it.

The song Homesick, by MercyMe, has been posted about a lot recently. For those of you who don't know it, it's about being homesick for heaven, homesick for the people we won't see again until then. For those of you who do know it, you probably have a specific person you think of when you hear it. For me, it's my cousin Kevin.

It's been three months since we lost him, but sometimes, it's like my heart is being broken all over again. Maybe it's because his little sister Alisa is about to graduate, and she'll have to make her way through her life, always in his shadow. Or when I look at Austin, so full of life and promise, so much hope for the future, so much in the now. I know I'll see him again. I know that. But I can't help thinking that I want him here. I want him back here on earth, back in the life that he loved so much and lived to the fullest. When Kevin died, it tore me apart in a way nothing has before. I don't think anything else ever could. But I do know where he is. He's happy with his Savior, and he's laughing.

So Godspeed to you, my Kevin- we're going to have some fun when I get up there. And I hope you know just how much you are still loved. Always, my cousin, always. I've never been more homesick than now....


At 5/30/2005 06:25:00 PM, Blogger Becca said...

*adds to list of fun things to do with Nettie in heaven*

Love ya, baby

At 5/30/2005 06:39:00 PM, Blogger janie q said...

i think your heart feels broken for a long time, i don't think you ever really get over losing someone, i think you learn to accept it, but it takes time, so don't rush. you just have to think, how would he want me to feel about all of this, would he want me to feel sadness about him forever, or would he want me to live my life to the fullest, the way he would have too. you can't do anything to bring him back, but you can keep him alive in your heart by living your life the way he would have wanted to live his. god bless.

At 5/30/2005 08:39:00 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

May all our fallen veterans know the deliciousness of CLC.

At 5/31/2005 01:13:00 AM, Blogger Mountain Mama said...

I understand how you feel. And Janie q is right. We never get over losing those we love, but in time we learn to live with our loss.
Being Christians we have the promise of eternal life with our saved loved ones. I am so sorry for people who don't believe. Their losses must be unbearable.
I do wonder why there are times when we feel the loss so much more profoundly.
I pray our Father will give you peace.
A big hug from me too.

At 5/31/2005 02:33:00 PM, Blogger Anti-Blogger said...

Well done!

At 5/31/2005 03:05:00 PM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I agree with Janie q and Mountain mama. It kind of comes and goes in cycles, too... I sort of believe that that's one of God's gifts, letting us heal a little and then allowing something to remind us of them to help keep the memories alive... I was so scared of 'losing' the memories of my mom when she passed... forgetting what her voice sounded like, what her laugh sounded like, what hugging her felt like... but God gives us things to keep those memories. Three of my mom's best friends from school heard me laugh at the funeral home and told me I laugh just like her... that's stuck with me ever since, and I can feel her laughing with me ;) It does get easier, girlfriend, or maybe we get stronger... and things don't really get back to "normal", but you find the "new normal"...

At 5/31/2005 03:28:00 PM, Blogger Jeff H said...

May the Spirit's comfort rest upon you, dear sister.

I love "Homesick"--I think mostly of my dad when I hear it. Even now, just typing that, I began to tear up.

The void left in us when people we love pass on is never really filled. They carved out that little niche in us, and no one else fits it perfectly like they did, nor does any thing. God meant it that way--it reminds us of the power of love to shape us, to fill our lives with joy and calls us to live our lives with the ever-present knowledge that we are not home yet.

At 5/31/2005 06:53:00 PM, Blogger jonny ragel said...

I miss some people. my niece most of all. it never really goes away. I'm with you, dude. I'm ready for the afterlife. untill then lets all hug each other.

At 5/31/2005 07:24:00 PM, Anonymous Barbara said...

Praying for grace and peace for you Nettie.

It does get easier with time...

God bless


At 5/31/2005 07:52:00 PM, Blogger Paula said...

Maybe you can introduce me to Kevin when we get "Home"!!! I'd love to meet him. I know you're homesick, but God has plans for you here, so celebrate life, life more abundantly in Christ. Keep on bloggin' and believing!


At 5/31/2005 07:53:00 PM, Blogger Paula said...

I love your puppy Neal!!! So cute and he brought a smile to my face!

At 5/31/2005 08:13:00 PM, Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose. A
time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

'Thought & Humor' by Howdy
Cyber-Humor, Cyber-Thought
Cyber-Riddles for your divertissement!!!

At 5/31/2005 09:42:00 PM, Blogger Dirtyskin said...

Just thinking that he is in a better place and I am sure you can get through it!

At 5/31/2005 10:37:00 PM, Blogger baileysMilk said...

hon, you made me tear up..

things like that remind us to appreciate everyday with our loved ones.

I wish He was here, to see my joy, to be there when i'm in anguish, to be present on my wedding day. But to know he's not suffering anymore, is a comfort indeed.

At 6/01/2005 11:45:00 AM, Blogger Amigo said...

I feel grieved that you are grieved. At least your loss is temporary, you will meet him again.

Of course, you being so young and all and lacking patience ;), it will seem like a long time.

At 6/02/2005 07:59:00 AM, Blogger Sweetie Guy Hutchinson said...

You DID write about Jell-o! You rock, Nettie!

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