Dichotomy

For the past few days, I've kept my commentary on Terri confined so I could express my lighter side here. I had another lighthearted post planned, about dropping ice cream on my foot and eating too many cookies at work. After all, I find most of my life to be funny and I like to share it. But tonight? Tonight, I just can't say those things.

I've always been affected by things that go on outside my little sphere. It may be naive, but I want to make the world a better place. I volunteer for a lot of politicians, because I want our government to do what's right. I really believe I can change the world, or at least try. But this? It's just breaking my heart. No matter what I and other bloggers and Terri's family, and even President and Governor Bush try to do, it doesn't seem to be working. The fact seems to be that Terri is going to die. And that's just so wrong.

I'm not much of a crier. I tend to channel my energy in other ways, like writing. I shed a few tears after reading Jeff H.'s gorgeous post. But more than that, it makes me angry (a far more common response, I must admit). Angry that so many people have ignored the evidence that Terri is not in a permanent vegetative state. Angry that the "important" people don't care about what Terri would really want. Angry that there is nothing I can do in the end. I can write my blogs, but I can't go down to Florida and forcibly feed Terri (not that I wouldn't like to try). I can email senators, but I can't make them vote to save an innocent woman's life. And I can plead with Governor Bush to somehow do what he wants to do anyhow, but I can't change the laws so he can storm in there and make them feed her.

Righteous anger? Yes, I suppose. But my anger and my hope and even my tears aren't going to change what is probably going to happen. I'm not the only one to express this, but the fact that this is happening at Eastertime...I have had the feeling for a while that something is going to happen, on Easter or Good Friday, some of the holiest days of my faith. I pray it will be Terri's life, saved. But I don't know. I just don't know anymore...