Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Gimme the Bad News First

The Bad: All your appeals have failed.
The Good: Congratulations, you're our 1,00th execution!

The Bad: Apparently procrastinators are making the Saturday before Christmas the busiest shopping day. Oh boy, we'll look forward to that one.
The Good: Um, we made our Black Friday numbers?

The Bad: You were struck by a car while walking in the dark.
The Good: Bet you'll wear reflective clothing from now on!

The Bad: You forgot that November has only 30 days.
The Good: Blogger automatically fixes it to Deccember 1st for time dyslexics like you!

The Bad: You watch far too much TV.
The Good: You can, um, amuse your friends by reciting commercials.

The Bad: Diseny canceled So Weird.
The Good: Smart people captured the episodes before they yanked it, so you can watch Fi again...and again...and again....

Monday, November 28, 2005

Under the Heading Of

"I'm going to kill my aunt when I get older and see this." But it was just so funny.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

I Am Thankful

...for modern medicine's migraine treatments that stop the heaving. Eventually.

...that FDR didn't succeed in his attempts to move Thanksgiving up a week. Why later is better I don't know, though, it just seems to prolong the agony.

...for Jeff's blogiversary.

...that we have to listen to Harmony sing carols for the rest of the season. No wait, I'm not grateful for that.

...for my ability to entertain myself by singing little ditties (in my head, all right?) Such as: I hate Christmas, and Thanksgiving too, I hate the holidays, how bout you?

...that I have coworkers who can carry on conversations like: Where's the dustpan? If it's not in the bathroom, I dunno. You're a lot of help. It's in dustpan heaven, is that better? It lived a long and useful life and has gone to its reward. It's in dustpan hell. Why does the dustpan deserve to go to hell? Cause it didn't spend enough time in purgatory!

...that most of my customers aren't like Starbucks woman. "Does this [cup placed prominently on the decimated shelf of antibac I am desperately trying to fill] belong to anyone?" Starbucks woman: "Oh, it's mine"- as she continues browsing and yakking. Helpful Coworker over my shoulder: "I'll take that and put in the trash." "No, she says it's hers..."

...and are more like the two sweet ladies today who got so excited when I ran out Sweet Pea wipes to them: "Ooooh, look at this- they're cold!" "Yes ma'am, found them in shipment and I heard y'all wanted them!"

Thursday, November 24, 2005

300 Posts

Happy Thanksgiving and all that, to my American readers anyway. But this is my 300th post and I wanted it to be special. So as Darlene likes to do, a republishing of a post special to me. This is probably my favorite of the poems that I wrote for my Kevin. Always...

Where You Are

Cradled in the arms of the Lord
you are.
But I will always remember
your smile
your laughter
your love for life.
And in the end,
you won.
You won forever.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Weird Questions

Of course, we all know I'm a sucker for memes, but this one doesn't make much connected sense so I especially like it. From the rejuvenated Marc.

Would you rather...

1. be able to talk to dolphins or spiders? Why would I want to talk to spiders? To hear their death pleas just before I smash them?

2. be able to shoot spaghetti noodles from your fingertips or change the color of your skin to various shades of pastel? Going with the spaghetti thing, since I'm always hungry.

3. develop an allergy to your favorite food or your best friend? Well, we all know I can deal with the food allergy thing...

4. walk across the United States of America from Los Angeles to New York or climb Mount Everest? At least the U.S. would be scenic, but none of that walking sounds appealing. Can Harvey come?

Monday, November 21, 2005

You're Vatican City!

You're pretty sure that you're infallible in all that you do or say, and it's hard to say whether

you're right. You have a lot of followers, most of whom will do whatever you say without

question, or line up to see you ride around in your spiffy car. Religious and reserved, you have

some wisdom, but also a bit much contempt for everyone around you. You're also fabulously

wealthy, no matter what you say to the contrary.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Friday, November 18, 2005

My Left Hand

People are voyeurs. Much as they deny it they are. Like I really needed the invation, but y'all did ask to see it. And at work too- "I wanna see it!" "I'm not taking the bandage off, you guys. But I have pictures!"

Also reinforced that I never do anything halfway. That one blade-flashing monment is going to be following me for a long while. Grow, nerves, grow!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I don't think I've done a meme in a while. Hmm. Must be slipping. From Janie, who gets tagged a lot too. And no, this isn't all one day.

12 A.M. I'll probably be up for at least another two hours.

1 A.M. So I consider this still part of a continuous day, which rather messes with my head.

2 A.M. If I'm good I'm in bed by now, usually watching Most Extreme Animals.

3 A.M. The latest we ever stayed to finish a floorset, 3:30 actually. And then we went and entertained ourselves at Denny's.

4 A.M. Or the time I got up to do inventory at five. And tried to figure out how early my manager Harmony must have gotten up in order to look as perfect as always. Freak of nature.

5 A.M. The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh only comes on at 5:30 now.

6 A.M. The time Janna and I were supposed to leave to go to Austin's baptism.

7 A.M. But considering the way she drives...

8 A.M. The earliest I normally have to get up. Urgh. Even SpongeBob gets too annoying then.

9 A.M. The more usual time to drag myself out and be at work at ten.

10 A.M. Shipment! Yay! Boxcutters!

11 A.M. Or I may be at physical therapy now. It's amazing how much fun broken-limbed people and off-the-wall PTs can have.

12 P.M. I just discovered that What Not to Wear comes on now.

1 P.M. This is when I told myself I'd be out the door to get the stitches out today, and look where I still sit.

2 P.M. I'll probably go to the 2:45 showing of Harry Potter Friday- I'm just not in the mood for a midnight one this year.

3 P.M. I really ought to install my new Norton when I get back. Then it'll quit bugging me.

4 P.M. My watch needs a new battery. It says it's 4 now.

5 P.M. After I got off work yesterday I hit the library. Am working through the first season of Monty Python.

6 P.M. "This is an ex-parrot!"

7 P.M. I would never actually eat haggis. It was a joke.

8 P.M. Start of my Tuesday TV, first up is Bones, about a forensic anthropologist.

9 P.M. Commander in Chief. Yes I'm a conservative, but I like it.

10 P.M. The Tuesday highlight, a new SVU. And this week was a good one, cause last week Mariska wasn't on there, the losers.

11 P.M. Nothing to watch at this hour anymore. Although I do like Leno.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Sunday, November 13, 2005

Random Sunday Picture Blog

On the street signs downtown.

See, this is why you shouldn't be trying to decorate for Christmas already! Ha haaaaa!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Can I Do It One-Handed?

Type? Well, I tried. I really did. But I think faster than I type anyway, and my thoughts need to be expressed. Logic would say don't type...

Drive? Yes. Badly.

Lift boxes? I admit that I probably shouldn't...and anyway they called Leigh in to be my lackey. Heh heh.

Eat Cheetos? Try doing this left handed when you can't use the thumb much...and then you can't easily wash the hand so the fingers are still orange. Yeah.

Reassemble an engine? No! Wait, I could never do that.

Take pictures? Yeah, although I can't get steady enough for a good close-up.

Play with the boxcutters? Yes, of course. Hey, I hate being on the floor. I like being in the back, no one yells at me when I talk to myself.

Throw balls while balancing? "Did you do the rebounder? Oh, I forgot. Hand." "Yes, hand." "Can't you do it with one hand?" "My aim's bad enough with two!"

Be my irrepressible if slightly clumsy self? Can't you tell?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Think Before You Name

Well, when I'm doing data entry I need some way to entertain myself.

*Bony Peace, III. I can hear the schoolyard taunts now: "Hey Bony, can we get a piece of you? Ha ha haaa!" And they inflicted this on three generations?

*Clermont Plantation. "Where is this?" "No, who." "The Plantation is a who?"

*Joni Vanderslide. "Och, Joni, I vander slide."

*Steve Credito. Sounds like a magician.

*Trap Place. "Hey, wanna come back to my place? On Trap Place?"

*Tubeville. Never been to Tubeville. Does Joni Vanderslide live there?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lessons Learned

If you're squeamish, come back tomorrow and I'll post about stupid names. But come on, you know you want to look. It's not that bad...

I wasn't supposed to take the original stuff off until today, but I had to shower. Believe me, I needed it. And my job of it- well, it looked better last night. Before I went to work and lifted boxes like I probably shouldn't have. And, yes, they let me use the boxcutters again. But not that nice sharp one, as- "Did you want to get rid of this?" "No. Why, does it have your blood on it?" "Yep." "Oh. Well then yeah, chunk it."

For perspective on where it is in case you don't care for the next one. Creative ideas for good excuses/lies/I'm tired of the boxcutter fight story? Although I don't care for the "I missed my wrist" one, thanks anyway, Kiernan.

Please make sure to comment after you're done going "Ewwwww." But trust me, it looked much worse. And despite the general opinion of "I couldn't watch them put string in my own hand." Why not? How many chances am I gonna get?

Monday, November 07, 2005

Welcome to Our Store

For those of you keeping track...oh forget it. The numbers are too depressing. After all, I've been working at BBW for a year but apparently still lack the coordination to work a box cutter. And I'm pretty sure that our new manager Nicole's idea of a good orientation does not involve sitting with me in the walk-in clinic while they stitch me up. But then, it wasn't my idea of a fun time, either.

All right, so watchingthe dude clean and stitch it was kind of fun. And it's not like blood freaks me out or anything (does for Jen though, poor thing). But that moment when I was opening a box and hit my left hand and went, oh well, I do this all the time. Until the next instant when it starts pouring out of me and I'm running to the bathroom, wrapping toilet paper around it (not the best choice, sterilely speaking). Granted, nothing I could've done would have worked. But I'm still trying to be all macho, cause when Jen knocks on the bathroom door and goes, "Paige is taking you to the doctor," I'm still all, "I don't wanna go."

Common sense did win out, though- "As long as it isn't the E.R." So off we three went. Specifically, it's four stitches on the back of my hand just below the thumb. I'll be kind and spare you the gory details even though they fascinate me. Fascination's wearing off, though, along with the adrenaline and lidocaine. And I'm left with the "I can't believe I did this" feeling and the moral that box cutters are not your friend.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Selfish Googling

Nettie Winey Bear: Hey, I'm not a whiney bear. I don't whine! Whyyyyyy do you call me whiney? Waaaaaaa! I'm Finnish- hing a bing a blurben!

Find the Lowest Price on Nettie: Well, geez. Aopparently I'm not worth much.

Nettie's Ark: Does this mean I get a puppy?

I Love My Bird Nettie: Dude, get a life.

Assemblywoman Nettie Mayersohn: Freaking Democrat from Queens.

Nettie Lake: Now this is cool. Much better than that bear.

Nettie's Place in the Bahamas: Sign me up, sign me up!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Random Friday Picture Blog

Found when Janna and I were driving around Georgia trying to find the interstate home, since we didn't have our handy-dandy Mapquest reverse directions.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Wouldn't have been my first choice to go to Wal-Mart on Halloween. But Harmony tells me to go buy candy "for the kids" and Bath and Body Works is paying, who am I to argue? Especially when I can pick out the good stuff. Somehow by ten today, all the chocolate had disappeared. Wonder what kids ate all that?

Poor Cameron, though. He doesn't care much about costumes but if Karen let him he'd devour all the candy he got. "Take all the peanut M&Ms you want, I'll have more next week." Well, since I'm talented enough to eat them and do my exercises at the same time.

Maybe it's a reward. After all, since I had to drive Janna around yesterday, wasn't I entitled to their leftover candy? I was only going to take a few pieces. Really. But she handed me a Wal-Mart bag and told me to go trick-or-treating. Hey, an order's an order.

Peppermint patties, and Reese's, and Tootsie Roll Pops, and pieces of Juicy Fruit so big they make your jaw hurt. Airheads that are actually sour, Baby Ruths, Now and Laters, Teddy Grahams, Laffy Taffy, orange Oreos, Snickers, Sweet Tarts, wonder I'm in such a good mood.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I'll Never Remember All This

*original* Austin Has A Blog*

I'm not sure what you'd call this look.

With my two-year old cousin Paige who loves to give me kisses. Smart girl.

Mmmm, juice. All intelligent thought is gone...

Let's Hear It For the Boy

He was soooo good, he didn't cry! (And neither did I, for the record). He was actually asleep at the church, but they had to wake him up for the baptism. Granted, he put his hands all over the assistant pastor's face while she was praying. And took his socks off. But he likes his feet to be free!

I didn't get any pics at the church, out of respect, but lots at the house. He was great there too- "Austin! Look at the camera! Austin!" Or, "Paige! Smile and you get a fruit snack!" Paige being his two year old cousin, who is adorable (see?) even though I'm not related. We had a great time baaaa-ing like sheep at each other until they told me to stop. Just when I thought I'd found someone who understood me.

I swear I didn't wake him up again so I could play with him. He was already fussing...

You should be able to see in this picture how he likes to cross his big toes on top of his other toes. What I love is that I do that too.